Demons |¤| Lashton

Back and Forth

Discusses self harm but does not go into detail. If you do not want to read, skip to the next bolded line.

I found a tumblr account called cashtondaily and it's amazing. Definitely check them out.

"Ashton, what the hell happened to your arm?" Calum asked. I could hear the disbelief in his voice. He knew.

I immediately drew back, jumping up and trying to take off the hall. Fuck. I had been caught and there was no way out this.

No no no!

Calum jumped up after me and practically tackled me. He had seen it coming.

I just let him hold onto me, and I leaned against the wall and slid down so I was sitting again, and he just held onto me. And then I was crying again.

"Shh, shh, hey hey," Calum said softly. "Ashton, take off the bracelets, let me see how bad it is." His voice was shaking a little.

I slipped my finger under the various bracelets I had collected from friends and fans over the years and hastily removed them, not bothering to be too careful. My wrist wasn't too sensitive anyways. Calum held my hand and just looked at the scars. I looked at them too.

The deeper ones had healed, becoming dark. A few thin ones were white, becoming more noticeable because of the darkened backdrop. There were a few newer ones, too. Ones that hadn't completely healed yet. Despite the fact that things had been getting worse, I had actually been self-harming less. It was like I didn't have time, these days. The struggle was no longer on my skin, it was in the air, now leaving me exhausted every single day.

"You've got to stop," Calum told me quietly. I nodded, feeling a little numb. "Do you want to talk to someone?"

"No...not yet," I told him, sniffling a little. "I will though. Sometime."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

"Ashton, if you ever need anything, I'm here for you. Before you hurt yourself, come and talk to me. It's better than this. You're better than this. Got it?"

"Got it." Calum squeezed my hand and smiled at me before pulling me to my feet. I put my bracelets back on, and it looked like Calum was going to say something else, but he changed the topic.

"Do you wanna go outside for a bit for a breather? "

"Sure."

End of scene.

We were back in Luke's room. Michael was now sitting on the foot of Luke's bed with the laptop on his lap, so Luke was on camera. They weren't talking very much, and it looked like Luke had already fallen asleep. Michael repeated some of the good questions out loud and tried to answer them. Most of them weren't related to what was happening or what this whole live-stream was about. He was making a ridiculous attempt to stay positive and prove to everyone that nothing is really over. We can still be happy and not be consumed by sadness.

"You good?" Michael had said when we walked back in. I sent Michael a thumbs up, and behind Michael, Luke also gave him a thumbs up. To the people watching, it looked like the question was for Luke, but us three knew it was for me. Luke just does whatever. He's his own person. He's not aligned with the rest of us anymore.

Calum smiled sympathetically, and motioned for me to sit down somewhere.

I felt like I was the one being admitted to the hospital now. I was the patient facing the reality of my future. I was in a dire situation and I had to sit and wait because I didn't have much time left.

But I had some time. It's not about the way life makes you feel, its about the truth and how you have to make the most out of what you have because you'd be stupid not to.

So I pulled up a chair and sat next to Luke. Simply because I could.

I looked Luke in the face, and he returned the look, but with narrowed eyes. I was cold. The room was growing darker, and Michael's voice was accompanied by an annoying ringing.

"I don't care about anything anymore, Luke. I just hope you get better. It's all I really want. Please get better," I asked him, my voice low. Internally, I laughed at myself a little, because Luke couldn't just will himself better. It didn't work like that, but I wish it did.

The doctor entered the room. This was expected, of course. He had immediately sent the samples to the lab and had them tested. Speedy, I know. It was all about timing. There was a bounce in his step.

"Okay boys, good news," Dr. Creer announced. I sat up a little and Michael and Calum paused to look up at the doctor. The livestream was still going and we held our breath.

"It's not cancerous."

We sat in silence for a single moment. I tried to tune out the annoying background noise, but they couldn't hurt me anyway.

I smiled a little. It could be worse.

Stealing a glance at Luke, I noticed his eyes had closed.

There heart monitor flew into a frenzy, before flatlining.

Before I was able to get a single coherent thought through my head, the doctor yelled and jumped into action, ordering us out of the room and calling for assistance.

Dashing out of the room, I looked back for a split second, suddenly realizing that

Luke's

heart

had

s top pe d.

How could I be so stupid?