A Commander and a Princess

Static

Clarke's POV

She never really knew why she always fell into her old habits. Ever since she left her people, she had begun to despise drawing. Yet here she was, off in the forest with her book and chalk, drawing a deer that was standing but twenty feet away.

It wasn't scared of her, for some reason. Maybe it sensed she was only there for peace, or it just knew she simply was not in the mood to kill it as game and bring it to her people.

This morning, Lexa had requested that Clarke try and talk to the Skaikru.

Clarke didn't like that idea; she didn't like it at all.

Clarke had bottled up many emotions when it came to her old friends. And she knew that she would have a breakdown if she got too deep into a conversation. Her mother would talk off her ear with several questions of, How have you been? What's it like here? Why did you leave us? Why haven't you returned?

She wasn't ready to answer those questions. She wasn't ready to see the disappointment in her mother's eyes when she told her she was fine, and things here were great, and she never had planned to leave nor did she now plan to return.

Clarke wasn't ready for any sort of contact with them, and Lexa should have known that. Lexa probably did know that. So why instead was she pushing Clarke to form a new relationship with them when she knew it would bring her immense sadness and anger?

Clarke was almost done the drawing when she realized her hand was shaking. Her whole body was shaking. She dropped the book and chalk and wrapped her arms around herself, counting down from ten. She got panic attacks every now and then, usually when she was alone. When she wasn't, she found an excuse to be alone.

Nobody knew this happened when she thought too deeply of her past life with the Skaikru. If they did, they'd take it for weakness and cut off her head.

"Clarke?" She swore she heard someone say. "Clarke!"

She fell to the ground, her body shaking so much and her vision going blurry. Her head was spinning and her heart was beating too quickly. Something grabbed a hold of her shoulders and spun her around on her back, but the face of the person above her was too blurry for Clarke to see.

"It's okay. You're safe." A familiar voice said above her.

"L-Lexa." Clarke choked out.

"It's alright. Just breath." Lexa said, running a hand across Clarke's forehead and using her other to pull Clarke's head into her lap. "Calm down. Everything will be alright, Clarke."

"I c-can't do t-this." Clarke said.

"Of course you can, Clarke. You're the strongest person I know." Lexa said softly. Her face was starting to come into focus; beautiful green eyes looking fiercely down at her.

"You're the strongest person I know." Clarke whispered, staring straight into Lexa's eyes. Lexa gave her a small smile, brushing a strand of hair out of Clarke's eyes.

"We have to go back." Lexa said. Clarke nodded, sitting up and letting Lexa grab her hand, pulling her off the ground.

They walked through the trees in silence for a while before Lexa spoke to her.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

Clarke was quiet for a moment. She wasn't sure if she should fully explain to Lexa that she was having a panic attack over the very people Lexa wanted her to make peace with.

So instead she said, "That's the twenty-fourth time that's ever happened."

"Twenty-fourth?" Lexa stopped, grabbing Clarke's arm and turning her to face her. "Why didn't you tell me this has been happening a lot?"