Why I Can't Rule The World

No. 14

"Her faith has given
her wings
and I've fallen in love
with the way she flies."
-- Joey Palermo

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    A couple days later, Pearl and I went to school in silence. The day after the match, she had stayed home from school. Thursday, she had actually been sick. And now, Friday, Grandma was making her go.

    Not a word was said, and hardly any eye contact was made. It was strange, but it felt totally normal. Usual we don't talk to each other. Besides, after the game, I can't recall when I last had a real conversation with her. I felt extremely guilty about it, and sincerely wanted to change things between us. The only setback was that I didn't know if she was willing to want to know me.

    We walked in separately, and she went on her way as I went on mine. I didn't give her the note burning in my pocket. I was used to my dad when it came to fights; we never exactly talked about it, we just let it slide and went on our own paths in the world.

    I willed for Pearl to be different.

    Throughout the day I went, wondering about what to do, when I should confront her about it. Subconsciously, I knew she'd still be angry with me for just not being who she wanted. I couldn't change that I wasn't her parent, and she would have to learn to accept that. Eventually, though, I had hope that she'd give me another chance.

    Other than Pearl, one of my biggest problems was Shelly. That day, I didn't see her much and she didn't talk to me. But she was a girl who was really upset with me and probably wanted to rip my guts out. I didn't mean to lead her on when I went to her party, I just wasn't thinking right. If her definition of liking me was bribing me to take pictures and arranging for me to be stranded at the movies, then I didn't want to be with her anyway.

    She was used to getting what she wanted, and I wasn't giving it to her.

    Not only did I worry about myself with Shelly all worked up, I was concerned about Alivia. Shelly had to know something was up between her and I, seeing the pictures and all. Whenever I see Alivia, though, my worries fade, and all I want to do is be around her. I couldn't help that I enjoyed letting myself get lost in those beautiful eyes of hers, that content look on her face, that amazing smile that made my heart jump every time.

    Yet, there was that nagging feeling that I wasn't good enough for someone so caring and compassionate as her. If I ever worked up the nerve to ask her out, which I thought about a lot, would she even say yes? I mean, she held my hand, that had to mean something, right?

    "--again," Alivia said, bringing me out of my thoughts and back into reality.

    "What?" I asked, embarrassed. I sat up a little straighter and dipped my paintbrush into the tray beside me.

    "You're staring at me again," she repeated, smirking at me. I felt my cheeks heat up

    "Sorry. It's a habit," I blurted and she smiled genuinely before going back to painting.

    A moment of silence passed in which I scolded myself for not being more smooth. Why couldn't I just ask her on a date?

    "Because it's Alivia," I thought to myself, "And she deserves the best."

    "So Tin," she started, bringing up the conversation between us again.

    "So Alivia."

    "Are you coming over to study with Sawyer today?" she asked, concentrating on detailing her painting as she spoke to me.