Over Again

❝you'll never show weakness for letting go❞

❝you’ll never show weakness for letting go❞

c h a p t e r    f i v e

      "Thanks for helping me, by the way, I know you don't like fights," I said quietly. It was only Zayn and I left in the room. Louis had grabbed his keys and stormed out after the fight. Niall had left to take Ashleigh to the airport for her flight back home. It had been awful, though, the still, angry silence that had filled the room. Niall had glared at Louis, something I had never seen him do before. The guys had their fights, sure, but they had never been so serious.

      "It doesn't mean we're best friends. But you're a lot better for Niall than she is," he replied, a small grin appearing on his face. The first time one of his smiles had actually been directed at me.

      I smiled back, feeling the slight pressure of the beginning of a friendship. "Thanks, I think."

      Before he could reply, Liam walked in carrying a plastic bag. "I have dinner," he announced. "Where's Louis?" he asked, noticing our tired expressions.

      "Fight," Zayn replied. As Liam unpacked the food, Zayn explained what happened. I busied myself with getting plates and forks, letting my thoughts drift.

      Predictably, I started thinking about the fight. I had never seen Niall be so defensive, at least not in person. After what had happened today, he probably thought we were all out to get Ashleigh. Ashleigh had said Niall loved her... But how much? It felt selfish to wonder this, but what if he loved her -loves her- more than he loves me. Did he like her the whole time we were dating? How much had our relationship meant to him?

      "You okay?" Liam asked. I jumped, the fork I had been holding slipping out of my hand. I reached down to pick it up, taking the opportunity to clear my thoughts. I could probably cool Liam and Zayn; they didn't know me that well.

      "I'm fine," I replied. I set the fork in the sink and arranged an 'I'm okay' expression on my face before turning to look at them. 

      Liam's skeptical look told me he didn't buy it. I guess I really need to work on acting like I'm okay. "Do you hate Ashleigh?" he asked softly.

      I shrugged.'"I don't know."

      He sighed. "You have to understand that Ashleigh has her reasons.

      "Not very good ones," Zayn interrupted, before stuffing a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth.

      Liam shot him a flat look, then turned back to me. "But she has her reasons." 

      “What if I don’t want to hear them?” I asked quietly. I didn’t want to understand Ashleigh, because knowing me, I’d probably start to believe her words. Believe that she was better for Niall than I was. And maybe it was true, but if it was, I didn’t want to believe it.

      “It usually helps to understand the enemy,” Zayn said.

      “I don’t know if I want to,” I muttered. But I was curious. I sighed and looked up at Liam. “Okay, tell me.”

      He smiled slightly – a small, sad smile that looked a bit more like a grimace. “Ashleigh has a habit of lying," he said.

      I blinked. Okay, that didn't sound like an explanation, I mean pretty much everyone lied. Unless Liam meant... "Is it like..." I trailed off, unable to find a word for what I meant that made sense. Official? Tested?

      Thankfully, he seemed to know what I meant. He shook his head. "She hasn't been tested, so we don't know."

      “So she told Niall they were…” For some reason, I couldn’t say the words out loud. “Because she lies a lot?”