The Internet's Shadow.

3 am and I'm finally done with this.

It's 3 am.

What happened? I remember falling in a dark hole, and waking up in an empty room, meeting myself, had a conversation and waking up to a nightmare.

I don't know what has happened to me.

It went by in such a flash, I don't remember doing anything besides staring straight at the illuminated screen before me, and my fingers automatically moving to my mouse and keyboard, when needed too.

But I realize one thing. I haven't been myself, and because of that, I'm getting destroyed

I didn't hear from her in such a long time.

Did I do it?

Did I finally make her sleep forever? I hope I did.

She had made me do so much. She was the reason, why I am like this. She is the reason why my mother was crying every night, wondering what had happened to her sweet daughter. She was the reason why my father had to quit his job and take care of my fragile mother. It was her fault that his once loving brown eyes are now filled with sorrow. Bitter, bitter sorrow. My heart breaks every time I am forced to look, straight into his cheerless eyes, sensing the mournful loss of his happiness.

She destroyed the love this family had for each other. The light of life we all enjoyed and loved. Gone. Within a matter of days.

She had even broke the happy friendship I had with my one and only friend, Yash.

She had created this monster, this worthless, pathetic soul who's now trapped in this dilemma. A monster to society, a monster to friends and family, and especially a monster to me.

I had become so selfish, so callous, and cruel to my loved ones yet I became such a coward to the reality of life situations. It's a confusing state and by the end of all this torture, I realize what I did and the actions I've done and I can't do anything to bring back my harsh words, or my resentful conflict.

The guilt is killing me from the inside. Two streams of regret fall from my wet, red eyes complemented by heavy, dark bags under them. My hair has been so greasy from not showering in days. Despite being so hungry from not eating at all, I couldn't eat from all the pangs of conscience in my gut.

I felt so dead.

I felt like so much of my life has been taken and eaten away from me. And I knew it did, I could've stopped it, and I had the power in my hands. Had it not been for my concerned parents, I don't think I would have realized this sooner.

I wish for this to never happen again.

To never happen to anyone.

I don't want them to go through what I went through.

It's horrible.

In the end, I feel like useless trash.

And the worst part of all is,

I let her overtake me.

I let myself listen to her, despite knowing the consequences.

--

I couldn't sleep, the immense guilt and pain that was stored within me was too much to bear. I cried all night, not caring if my neighbors heard me. I let it all out, I'm so disgusted with myself. I want to fix everything, make everything just the way it was before Lisa came in my life. I loved the life I was living, I didn't have many friends, but it didn't matter to me before.

Why me? Someone stop this please...

'You and I both know that you can't control me. I know how much you're dying to get online. I know that you are afraid to touch anything that will remind yourself for what actions you've done and how badly it affected other people. I know what you are feeling Ilsa, but I guarantee, going online a little more than you are now will make everything, better.'

"WHERE ARE YOU? HOW COME NO ONE EVER SEES YOU BUT ME? I HATE YOU! COME OUT AND FACE ME!" I shouted to the air.

How dare she come back, what makes her think that I'd go back and suffer all over again?

'Come to the mirror.'

I face the broken mirror and see no one this time, but myself.

"I still don't see you, and if you don't come out, I swear to God I will murder you."

'Pathetic. That's me in the mirror.'

"WHERE?"

'Look in the mirror, who do you see?'

"I see my broken self, all thanks to you."

'That's me too.'

"Don't joke with me. Show your true self."

'I am that reflection you see in that mirror. I am that person whom you've compromised with all this time. I am that thought in the back of your mind that persuades you to go online. I am that feeling that you enjoy when you talk to other people online, play games online, talk about the latest trend, and when people appreciate when you post a picture. I am that ghost that you've created and believed in so long, that you treat me like a friend and as a real person, because you wanted someone, because you wanted a friend. And you knew that to easily make new friends, going on the Internet was the best way possible. I am your collection of all your harvested thoughts on all your wants from virtual reality.'

'Ilsa, I am you.'

"LIES! I WILL NEVER BELIEVE YOU!" I shouted at my reflection.

'Ilsa, you did this. I am just a thought, a very sad and lonely thought of yours. I was created by you. You wanted a friend and knew that was almost impossible for you to make one in reality, and that's why you've created me. You're just a sick and lonely little girl in reality, not the outgoing or witty person you pretend to be online. You are hopeless.'

No.

No. I am not.

'Worthless'

I am not and I can prove it to you. I face the mirror with determination and courage.

'Non- existent'

"I am Ilsa."

'You're the biggest idiot'

"I am Ilsa."

'You are—'

"I am Ilsa."

'You—'

"I am Ilsa, and you are just a thought, a voice trying to pull me down."

'No one can save you.'

"I can save myself."

'No one can—'

"I will save myself. No one can bring me down, not my 'friends', not my peers, not strangers, and definitely not you Lisa."

'Stop this. You can't—'

"You are imaginary, just an elaborated thought. You are weak, you cannot destroy my life. No one can."

'Ilsa, you're so—'

"You are not real. I don't believe in you anymore."

'Stop—'

"You do not belong here. Now get out."

'You need me.'

"I do not."

'How will you survive?'

"I have a life to live, and I don't want to be a slave to you in anyway."

'This isn't the last time you'll see me.'

"You're dead to me."

And then, there was silence.