Hey children,
It's been a while since I've uploaded. And I'm sorry for that.
Right now I'm kind of in a dark place and I just wanted to talk to you guys, if you guys are still there.
A lot has happened in the past six months. A while ago I mentioned that I identified as gender fluid (a dynamic of feeling male, female, none, or both) and in a way, that label didn't fit very well.
And I realized not too long ago that I am an ftm transgender. So please, male pronouns and the name "Lucas" used for myself would be awesome.
I unfortunately can't get on testosterone (male hormones) at the moment because I haven't came out to my parents and I'm sure they wouldn't let me even if I did and I can't get too surgery (a surgery where your breast tissue is removed and nipples are reshaped to appear more "masculine) and I can't get bottom surgery (where they turn your vagina into a penis) also because it's not a very efficient and isn't a guaranteed thing that it'll be a successful surgery. I can't have my hair short. I can't work out to gain muscles on my arms and back and legs. I have a high pitched voice. My clothes are from the girl section. People call me by my birth name which is Vanessa.
And all of that makes me very dysphoric. It's a term used when you're having depression in regards to your gender. Doctors treat trans as a medical condition so yeah that's the term.
It kills me because I can't be the person I want to be. People often say "be careful to those who are online because they can be fakers" but the truth is, the Internet is the place where I can be myself but be a "faker" when I'm offline.
So yeah that was my little venting session. How have you been? What's new?
I love you children. Mwah. Bye 👋🏽
