But Please Don't Bite (Simon and Baz Story)

SIMON

She's so there.

I have never been in such a more uncomfortable situation in my entire life-and I've met Nicodemus's vampire friends.

My boyfriend's mother's ghost just experienced me and Baz together.

That is a sentence I never thought would be said in my entire life, but there's a first time for everything.

Baz can tell I'm completely in shock, and his first response: seduce me. Of course he did; he is Tyrannous Basilton Grimm-Pitch, A.K.A Mr. Suave. When he realized something was truly frightening me, he turned around to see the face of his horrified mother peering into our window, and then have her vanish as quickly as we saw her.

Baz leapt off my lap and ran to the open window. He climbs atop our desk that is pushed up against the wall under the windowsill.

"MOTHER!!!!!" he shouts at the top of his lungs for all of London to hear. A mother and child on the pavement below looked up in confusion at the seemingly delusional man on the third story yelling at the sky. "MOTHER I SAW YOU! I'VE WAITED 13 YEARS TO SEE YOU AND THEN YOU VANISH BEFORE MY EYES. MOTHER PLEASE RETURN!!!"

I watch as he jumps off the desk with a thud, bending his ankle at an inhuman angle.

"Fucking hell!" he yells holding his ankle while sprawled on our floor

"BASIL!" I'm so confused. He just fucked up his ankle by jumping off a desk after yelling out a window to his deceased mother. And his mother disappeared back into the Veil because she saw the two of us together.  (Why the fuck was the Veil even open in the first place?)And we were together because he had locked himself in our room. And he was locked in our room because Penny used "Pitch" as an insult. And she used "Pitch" as an insult because Baz said he hated merewolves. And Baz said he hated merewolves in a conversation about Watford we were having with Professor Bunce, who is now headmaster. And she was in our flat because she was delivering a fucking deer carcass to Baz.

What is my life?

"Don't bend. MEND!" Baz says to his fucked up ankle. Everything sets back into it's place in his foot, and he stands up and points his wand at the stationary he had knocked onto the floor. "Tidy up," he says slowly. "Sorry Snowflake. I just can't be bothered right now to clean like a Normal. I have to go now."

He grabs his shirt off the floor, and rushes out of the door.

"Where do you think you are going?" I inquire, still in total shock. If I'm freaked out, I don't know what Baz is thinking. I saw his mother in ghost form last fall, but this is all new to him.

"Out."

And with that, he was gone.