When a Bird's Wings break

Chapter 7

"I feel really bad about this." I told Bruce. I hadn't gone to school, because of my cracked rib. I would pick up the school work later. Wally, Kaldur and Artemis had brought their school work here, and Megan and Conner had gone to school this morning. "If I hadn't been distracted trying to "make friends" with them, then maybe none of this would have happened."

"Dick, the only thing that happened was your bullet wound, and you have had plenty of those before." He looked at me with his stern eyes. "You need to stop being so hard on yourself. You saved my life! If you hadn't been thinking ahead, I would be dead. You are a very large part of that team. Because they didn't have Robin, they almost failed their mission. I think that they are the ones who feel bad about it, not you."

"I still think that they shouldn't be with me, that they should be with you."

"Dick, do you know why I brought them in?"

I frowned. "No..."

"I brought them in because I am worried about you. I don't want you to get hurt. That's why I am having them be with you."

I sat down in the chair and put my head in my hands. "Why does it have to be so difficult." I felt Bruce's hand on my back and I sighed aggravatedly. I heard footsteps and we both looked up. Wally had walked it. My first note was that he walked. My second note was that he didn't make any sarcastic comment on anything when he walked in. He was wearing a red shirt, with his goggles hanging out of his pockets.

"Dick, can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked quietly. I nodded my head and got up to follow him.

"Dick, what is wrong with you lately?"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You have been...:" Wally paused. "Different. Not yourself."

"Wally, I can't really be myself. Robin is myself! If I act like myself, then I will give away my secret identity!"

"Then just tell them!"

"Wally! You don't know how many times I wanted too? How many times I have just wanted to explain everything? But I can't!"

"You could you know..." He said in a soft voice. "It's your identity, not Bruce's."

"I'm just not sure I'm ready."

"Dick! I know that I can't tell you what to do, but you need to tell them sometime. " Then he looked around the room. "But I didn't come to give you a pep talk." He then turned his head away from one of the windows and smiled at me. But it was a sad smile. "I came because I have seen that look that you have in your eyes, that sad, tired look like you haven't slept in days. You have been less talkative, and you aren't making eye contact with anyone-"

"Maybe I just haven't been feeling like myself lately." I said with a frown. It was silent for a minute, but then I made up my mind. "Wally, I need to show you something." I said, and waited for him to look at me. I pulled the heim of my shirt up. I slowly peeled off the bandages and let them fall to the floor. I watched his eyes grow wide as he looked up at my face. I hadn't realized it, but I was crying. My tears were silent and I could almost not feel them. We just stood there for a moment. I watched my feet and Kids head moved from my cuts to my face.

I gave a small nod. I rubbed my eyes, trying to stop the tears, but they wouldn't...

"Dude..." He gave me a sad smile. I let go of my shirt and hide my face in my hands. I was shaking violently, as sobs racked my body. I felt Wally's arms around me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't tell anyone." I kept my hands on my face as I muffle my tears. He let go, and I slid down on the couch. It was quiet for a minute.

He broke the silence. "How long?" It was a simple question.

"After my parents died." rubbed my eyes, but I was still crying... "I went into a state of depression. I had suicidal thoughts, and I would never stop thinking about what I lost, not what I had gained. When I became Robin, it got better, I wasn't thinking about... " I sighed. "Killing myself as much, because I would think that Gotham needs me as much as it needed Batman. When the team formed, I stopped cutting myself. But I-" I took a shaky breath. "I started again after the training simulation went wrong."

Wally's eyes widened at my words.

"I had finally become leader, and I sent you all to your deaths. And I was completely convinced that it was all real..." I stopped crying, mainly because I don't have any tears left to cry.

"Dick..." Walled looked at me, and gave me a sad smile. "You did what you had to do."

"But I hated it! I hated that I had to sacrifice another person's life. A life that was not mine to sacrifice."

"Dude. I totally get-"

"But you don't! You don't know how hard it is to live with all of this guilt!" I curled up into a small ball on the couch, and stared open eyed at my jeans. "I couldn't save my mom and dad, I couldn't save you guys, or the world." I closed my eyes tight. "I can't even save myself."

Word Count: 932