A Better Place - The Hobbit Fanfiction

Alternate Entry Forty - Pound

It was a strange thing to feel, sometimes, as though we were traveling so slowly and so peacefully that there was no war at all, but to feel your ribcage vibrating with fear because if you couldn't see the war how could you know where it was? How could you know you weren't riding toward it? How could you know you were still riding toward anything? It wasn't like our enemies couldn't come for us from any different directions. We might be racing for our broken homes already. Uncertainty tears us apart—we don't know until we see it that whatever it is we hope for even still exists. Until we see it for ourselves we exist in two different worlds simultaneously: the world in which we are okay, and the world in which we are not.

Bodies aren't meant to live in more than one world. That is why uncertainty hurts so much. You are being torn apart, you just can't see it.

We did not always travel peacefully.

"Why can't we carry on?" I wanted to know, as we stopped an hour before dusk, tucking ourselves down a long ravine. There was a bridge above us, but a league to the west. We were trying to avoid everyone's notice, not wanting to risk running into the wrong someones. Most would never see us down here. We just prayed it would not rain—Soviel promised that the reason there was no grass down here was because any heavy rain swiftly scoured it away. At least there was still dirt packed around and on top of most of the rocks. I was no green caterpillar anymore, who could sleep anywhere because she'd had to learn how to. Being loved has its downfalls—it makes you no longer strong against some of the ways of the world.

"Because neither you nor the horses will be able to see," said Luviel, putting together a framework for a fire with sticks, wood and tinder that she'd either carried with her or found throughout the day.

"I don't mean we have to travel in the dark," I grumbled, bringing her matchbox when she indicated for it. "But why do we have to stop when it's still plenty light enough to see?"

"Because we could not be sure we would find another safe place to sleep in that time," said Soviel, returning from a scout down the east side of the narrow gorge. She brought a few more sticks, and beat them against the stone walls a few times to rid them of what dirt she could. "And because if we wish for warm food we must make it when the light from our fire is less likely to be seen."

I would have sat huffily down with my arms crossed, being in that sort of mood, but our two horses and my pony needed feeding, and I insisted on taking my share of the chores which I could accomplish. I was not, for example, permitted to clean even my pony's hooves, as the guards thought I was too small and the pony too large for me to do so safely. No amount of telling them how I took care of Villy's hooves convinced them; Villy was smaller. So I rolled down the fabric of three bags of oats instead, and set to work brushing out what parts of my pony I could reach.

Luviel's fire flickered and raised its modest head, and Soviel trickled water into an oilcloth bag she'd scooped an off-yellow powder into. She curled down and tied the top, then kneaded the water through the powder until it had created a batter. Luviel dripped oil into a small, black saucepan, then Soviel squeezed the batter into the pan, as much of it as she could, before firmly closing the bag again to clean the next time we found fresh water. I'd have to remember the elves' trick for bread when I finally got around to traveling.

I leaned my head against my pony's round side and continued methodically brushing.

We went to sleep early, so we could rise early as well, and I tucked myself into a smaller patch of dirt so my two lankier guards could use what larger un-rocky spaces that were available for themselves. I liked having the horses and pony around while we slept, though it had been a trick to convince them to come down here, and to find a safe path for them. They had excellent hearing, and didn't mind panicking us a little early for the sake of precaution. I tried to sleep with my left side up while we were traveling but wasn't so disciplined a sleeper that I could in any way guarantee that.