Back To the Beginning

Chapter Two: First Day Back

(Elliot Stabler's POV)
It's Monday morning and I'm nervous to go back to the squad. I haven't been the same since I left. Something deep inside me told me that what I did was wrong but I just never went back. I had to leave. I know that I hurt Olivia but I just couldn't help it. After killing that girl, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt I wasn't fit to wear my badge and gun. I also felt that you can't work with people you love.
The other night when I walked into the squad room and saw those new detectives, I felt really awkward. Seeing new faces in an old place isn't a comfortable thing, you know? It's like when you leave, everyone goes. John is gone, Captain is gone...Olivia is a Lieutenant now. We have a new Sergeant who replaced John, a new detective who has just seemed to learn the ropes.. This isn't ever going to be the same.
I walked into the squad room, seeming to be even before Olivia got there. I checked my watch and I sighed. It's 6:50, they probably come in at 7:00... I sat in the desk across the walkway from Detective Carisi's desk. He has a picture of a woman and a little girl on his desk, maybe he's married?
I sat my box of belongings on the empty desk and sighed again. I sat in the chair and looked around me.
This place sure is different.
I thought to myself. Just then, a tall, blonde man with blue eyes walked in. I stood up immediately.
"Hi, I'm Detective Elliot Stabler." I smiled and reached my hand out for his, introducing myself.
"Oh, the new guy... Hi, I'm Detective Dominick Carisi, but you can call me Sonny." he smiled in return as we shook hands.
He sat his keys down on his desk and put his jacket around his chair. I looked at the picture of the woman and the little girl on his desk. It was bringing back memories of Kathy and the kids...
"Is this your wife and daughter?" I asked as I pointed at the photo.
"Ah, no, that's my sister and my niece. We took that picture a few months ago when my niece turned 1. She's adorable, really." he smiled to himself.
"She is cute." I said.
"Thanks." he replied.
"Hey, do you know when Olivia is supposed to get here?" I asked awkwardly.
"Uhh, usually 7:00 or 7:30. Depending on her son." he said.
I had totally forgotten the fact that Olivia had a son. Gosh, so much has changed.
"Oh, right..." I said.
I heard someone else come into the room and the first words I hear are:
"Elliot Stabler, long time no see, my man!" I knew instantly who it was.
"Fin, how've you been, man?" I asked as we shook hands.
"After 5 years and all I get is a damn hand shake? Bring it in, boy!" he said and we hugged laughing a little.
"Sorry...just a little...awkward." I said.
"Yeah...lots of things have changed." Fin said.
"I see that..." I scratched my nose.
"I see you've met Sonny." Fin laughed a little.
"Oh, yeah, we met just before you came in." I smiled.
"Yeah.." Carisi said with his New York accent.
Then a relatively tall, blonde woman came in, looking tired beyond compare.
"Hey, you okay?" Carisi asked the woman as she sat down in the desk across from his.
"Yeah, I'm fine...Jessie was up crying all night last night. I only got like 3 hours of sleep." she sighed and rubbed her eyes.
"Amanda, maybe you should take the day off? You look exhausted. You shouldn't be at work." Sonny said.
"Carisi, I'm fine." she said flatly.
I presumed she was talking about a newborn baby. She did look really tired, I would love to help her out but I don't even know her yet. I figured she was Detective Amanda Rollins.
"Uh...sorry to interrupt but I thought I should introduce myself...I'm Detective Elliot Stabler." I said as she stood up from her chair.
"Oh! Hi, I'm Detective Amanda Rollins." she smiled widely and shook my hand.
"What do you all call this little operation happening in the middle of my squad room?" I heard someone say from behind us.
I slowly turned on my heels to see Olivia Benson herself standing there, smiling. I couldn't resist smiling back.
"We were just talking to the new guy." Fin winked and nudged me.
"The new guy...I remember when you all called me that for over a year. Have fun there, buddy. The name sticks to you like a piece of tape." Carisi laughed.
"Great, this ought to be one wild run. Uh, do you guys know where Dodds is?" she asked checking her phone.
"Uh, yeah, he told me he was running a little late." Fin spoke up.
"Did he say why?" she asked concerned.
"He said he and his dad were having an argument about something. Didn't say what though..." Fin trailed off.
"Oh, that's just wonderful....anyway....El, can I see you in my office for a second?" Olivia asked.
It was weird to hear the words 'see you in my office' coming out of Olivia's mouth. I'm still astonished that she's Lieutenant, but she deserves it. She's a good cop.
"Uhh...yeah...sure..." I said uneasily.
I followed her into her office where she told me to close the door behind me, which I did.
"So...what's up?" I asked.
"Well, good morning to you to, Elliot." she laughed a little.
"Sorry, just kind of nervous..." I said.
"Yeah, I can see that. You're acting quiet. You never used to be like that unless you were upset or anxious." she said.
She really knew me like the back of her hand.
"Lots has changed..." I said.
"Yeah, more than lot actually. When you left, we got a transfer, Nick Amaro. Good cop. He moved to California last year. During his time here, that's when Amanda was transferred from Atlanta. Then Captain left, I took my Sergeant's exam right after Munch left. And some other things in between but I'd rather not discuss it right now...." she looked at the ground.
"What is it, Olivia?" I asked, pleading for an answer.
"What?" she asked.
"Olivia, I know you better than I know myself. When you look at the ground, I know there's something terribly wrong. What happened?" I asked as I stepped forward.
"We'll talk about it later, Elliot. Anyways...how's everything so far?" she asked.
I was still a little pissed she wouldn't tell me what happened. It's scaring me...
"Just...different...I'm kind of nervous to see how things pan out with me being here and everything..." I said.
"Yeah....I meant what I said Friday night, Elliot. One mess up, and you're gone. Is that clear?" she asked.
"Yes, Lieutenant." I said and smirked a little.
She scoffed.
"You don't have to call me that when we're alone, Elliot. You can call me Liv." she smiled.
"I know, I just wanted to know what it felt like...congratulations on this though. You deserve it." I smiled.
"Thanks, El.. Now, get out there and mingle with your coworkers. They're nice people. Get to know them. I know it's not the same without Munch and Captain but you'll be good." she smiled and shooed me out.
"It's great to be back, Liv." I said as I went to open the door.
"Great to have you back, El." she smirked.
And with that, I left the office and went to my desk to meet my new coworkers.