Move on (Destiel)

47. Dissapointment and heartbreak

Real Dean's POV

"I can't believe him!" I yelled, I was angry, mad, annoyed, desperate and confused.

Sam was sitting in a chair next to his bed where Cas laid unconscious. "Stop it Dean." I heard my brother growl, he was mad. "He must've his reasons, you don't know what he lived while he was there, and you don't have a right to judge him." He said as he looked up from his book. "And you already beat him up, now at least let him rest peacefully."

"No Sammy, this is different, he loves me and instead of coming here and confronting it he left with some fake me and do some stuff while we looked for him everywhere." I said, it hurt me, but i won't tell him that, my blood boils when I think about fake Dean having the life I always wanted next to the man I've loved since the day I met him, I won't tell him how it kills me that I can't give that to him, and more than anything it hurts me that I was such a pussy because I never told him I loved him, I never told him how he bewitched me, and that when he's not around I can't think about anything else. "You don't get it Sammy." I hissed leaving the room.

I walked to my room angrily, I can't stop thinking about it. All I wish is I was that guy, I wish I lived that, and had all those happy moments from the pictures. I wish I could bring the fake Charlie with me because it kills me that I don't have my best friend here and they had her, my sister from another mother, and the most I hate is all those pictures all those memories that aren't mine, he is better for Cas, he would've made him happy, and I was such an imbecile and egoistic asshole to take him away from his safe heaven, I saw he was fine and I saw that he was happy and still I decided to take him away into this world where there is just darkness and suffering, I got into my room and laid in my bed, I was tired and I couldn't keep doing this.

"Oh Castiel, my dear Castiel." I breathed out, I could feel something squeezing my heart and ripping it in two, I wanted to cry but I couldn't, I'm strong, I won't cry. "I wish..." I could make you happy. A lonely tear came down my left cheek, all my pain and sorrow washing away with it while I fell in a numb and dreamless sleep.

Cas's POV

I felt like someone was sitting on my chest, it felt heavy and non responsive, I breathed in and out slowly trying to calm my crazy mind full of what ifs. I slowly opened my eyes and a blinding light filled my retinas blinding me for a couple of seconds until I made out the enormous shape of one of my best friends sitting in front of the bed, his head hanging low, soft sounds coming out of his mouth signaling me he was fast asleep while taking care of me. He looked peaceful almost like a child, and for the Winchesters that was an impossible face, and the only time I'll see it, I smiled a little and felt the pain in my face and with it all my memories from yesterday.

"Oh no!" I mumbled to myself almost unheard-able, I saw Sam stir a little in his sleep making me tense up.

I had to fix it, I had to stop this, stop the written story and write a new one, I quietly got up and tip toed to Sam, he opened his eyes suddenly waking up as I pressed my fingers to his forehead, when he realized what was happening his eyes opened more and he was about to protest but I hid away all his memories of me as I did with his "cage memories", he fell asleep again, I looked every where in his room and took everything that reminded him of me, I took a picture we took one day while going on a hunting trip, my angel blade with some pattern I did, I changed it for a new one, and some letters I wrote when I was nuts, with every object my heart shrank even more, and made me realize how much Sam cared about me and how bad I was as a friend, always caring about Dean and never caring about Sam. I kissed his forehead and hugged him for a last time and sadly made my way to Dean's room.

As I opened the closed door I noticed how Dean woke up confused, he turned to me, his eyes widening in amazement of watching me come here after he beat me up so bad, his eyes looked hurt.

"Uh..." He mumbled, his voice groggy from sleeping. "I'm sorry about your face." He said awkwardly, I looked at him as I healed my face, he half smiled and it broke my heart, the smile fade as tears fell from my eyes, he looked at me and I walked slowly to him and pulled up my arm to zap his memories away, sadly he noticed and jumped away from me, he looked enraged. "What the fuck are you doing?" He hissed.

"You said I should have let you chose but I'm sorry I can't and I won't. I won't let you die and I'll change what is written." I mumbled, he started backing off until he was against the wall, his eyes full of fear.

"No! No I don't want to, don't you dare erase my memories and don't you fucking dare going away! I know I'm stupid and a coward but I can't live without you, I won't live without you! I love you Castiel." He said, his voice quivering as eyes started watering, he looked like a child who's family was killed in front of his eyes, it was heart breaking.

"I'm sorry Dean but you died in my arms and I won't let that happen again, at least not because of me." I grumbled, this was harder than I thought, I walked towards him and he couldn't move, he was cornered, I was two steps away when he tried to push me away, when he couldn't he started hitting my chest and crying, his sobs made the heaviness intensify, I held him in my arms as he cried, I looked at his green eyes, he was so beautiful my breath caught up in my throat, I looked to his full lips and he looked down to mine, I cleaned the tears that fell from his eyes as I came closer and closer until his lips touched mine sending shivers down my spine and shocks of electricity to my heart, his lips where even better than I remembered, we kissed angrily and lovingly, his pain and sadness was showed agains my lips, with words only my soul could understand, I started crying when my hands ran through his hair. "I'm sorry." I said against the kiss while putting my fingers to his forehead, his eyes flew open and all I could see was betrayal.

I hid his memories of myself, making it seem they did everything alone, like they never met me, I held his unconscious body in my arms and carried it to his bed, I laid him carefully and as I walked away my knees gave out and I fell to the floor numb. I spend a few minutes just laying there and decided I should do this as fast as I could and leave, I looked everywhere on Dean's room and he had a lot of things, my trench coat, a picture of us smiling and drinking beer, a piece of the game I was playing when I went nuts, a bag of honey I gave him and a lot of other small details you wouldn't notice unless you where really really looking, this made me notice how he always kept things from our adventures and as I looked in his usual jacket I found my FBI card, he carried it with him every time hoping I would join them and need it.

After my cleaning I walked to him and caressed his cheek, I passed my hand through his silky hair, I traced the constellation of his freckles and then kissed his soft lips, our last kiss, my heart was falling from my chest, I looked around the bunker looking for tiny details and saying goodbye to everything, in the next few days I would visit everyone that knew me and would do the same so the lie is as perfect as it can be.

A/N
I'm sowwy! Don't hate writer senpai, senpai loves readers and is trying her best.

Okay I'm sorry for putting bums in their lives but ugh my story is getting to an end and I want it to be good, I love you all a lot and please share comment and vote!

Have a good day!
-f.xx