Fat.

Chapter 3

I stared at Corey incredulously, not sure of how to react to this. 

"You can't help me." I finally said. 

I had already TRIED to lose the weight, and it never worked. No matter what I did, I just had to learn to accept that I was going to be large for the rest of my life. 

Corey raised his eyebrow at me, stepping out of the car. 

 "How do you even know that? I mean, it's not like I've tried before. And if anything, I'M the one who's going to be losing anything on this. I don't see what you have to lose. It's worth a try." 

But was it really worth it? Was it worth the heartache that was sure to come when I didn't lose weight? The extra pounds I would gain because of the extra eating I would do to make myself better? The stress of trying to keep up with a new diet/exercise plan? Was it worth risking a friendship over a few pounds I probably wouldn't lose? 

"I'll think about it. I just want to have a nice time today." I finally told him. 

And we did have a nice time. We stopped at a Subway in the foodcourt, and I was careful to just get a Veggie sub, which I knew had the fewest amount of calories, adding everything (except the hot stuff. I don't like hot stuff). Corey had some chicken bacon thing, and my mouth was literally watering at the sight of it. With the melty-gooey cheese, it was just  ugh. Perfect looking.  

After that we just walked around, poking into stores, Corey tried some stuff on, and after 2 hours or so, we finally went back out to my car. 

Throughout our afternoon I had been thinking about whether or not I actually wanted to risk a friendship for another attempt at weight loss. I mean, to be realistic, I would probably come to hate Corey through this process, or vice versa. There was no way that this could end well, especially because I knew I would never actually lose the weight. 

I mean, Corey seemed to have no problem with helping me lose the weight. He had offered, so it was completely on him, if you thought about it. 

  He was wrong though when he said I had nothing to lose. I wasn't sure how much more of the disappointment I could take from trying to lose the weight, and being unsuccessful. 

Corey was directing me to his house, it was only about ten minutes from mine. Pretty useful if we were actually to spend time together outside of school. 

  "Have you thought about it at all?" he asked as we pulled up, shooting me an eager look. 

  I could say no right now. Not deal with the stress, with the actual exercising, the diet. I could carry on as I was. Fat and miserable, hating every damn day I was here.

  "How about I let you know tomorrow?" I suggested. "I could pick you up for school if you'd like."    Corey fished in his pocket, pulling his phone out of it.  "Put in your number, I can text you and you can let me know what time to be ready."   

I double checked that the car was in park before taking the phone; I had to think for a second before I could put the number in. I didn't give it out to often so it was a little hard for me to remember the digits in order. 

  "Okay! See you tomorrow morning!" he told me, giving me a grin before sliding out of the car and jogging to his house. 

  I let out a puff of breath before driving back in the direction of my house. This was new; going out with someone other than Kennedy and her friends.     

And, shocker, it wasn't bad at all. 

        *       

  When I arrived home, my mother was still in front of the television, a large drink cup and a bag from some fast food restaurant next to her; the sign that my father was home. 

  "Oh, you're home!" she exclaimed, her face brightening up with a smile. "Dad brought home dinner for you." 

  The smell of fries was wafting through the air, making my mouth water. Oh, it was so very tempting to go in and eat that whole bag, but I had been seriously considering Corey's offer. I figured that if I was going to talk to him about trying to lose weight then I probably shouldn't binge on burgers and fries the night before.   

"It's fine, I ate at the mall actually." I told her, hanging my keys by the door. I made sure to twist the lock so that my mom didn't have to remind me for the thousandth time. 

"Did you and Kennedy have a nice time?" my dad asked, coming up the stairs from the basement. 

"It was nice." I lied, only considering it a lie because I wasn't with Kennedy.  I had really had a nice time with Corey actually, maybe even next time I would get the courage to try some clothes on to, ignoring the fact I would have to find my SIZE there. 

  "I'm going to go take a shower though, okay?" I told them. 

They weren't even listening to me at that point, my dad was already walking away and my mom's attention had been drawn back to the television. 

Oh well.   

Once I was back up in my room, I sat down at my desk instead of going to the bathroom.  Pulling out a piece of paper, I set to work. 

  I weighed 220 pounds. My goal weight was 120-130. Healthy weight loss studies showed that I should be losing 1-2 pounds per week, to keep myself healthy. But since I was trying to lose such a large amount of weight, I could potentially lose 3-5 pounds if I ate the right foods and worked out correctly.   

Going by the information in front of me, it was totally possible to do this. But my personal experience proved otherwise. Whenever I tried to lose weight it never worked. I could run for miles and starve myself, but I just stayed the same size. And it was so frustrating and disheartening. 

  I found myself reaching for my phone, knowing that Corey had texted me between me dropping him off and now.

  Hey, it's Corey(: his message read.   

I stared at my phone.  Did I want to try this? Because if I said no, I was missing out on the chance. What if it worked? What if I could do it this time? 

  I'm game if you are. I sent him, before tossing my phone onto my bed and heading towards the bathroom.   

I hoped that Corey could appreciate how scary this was for me. This was hard for me to do. YES I wanted to lose the weight. But committing to something like that was hard for me. I didn't handle change well, especially drastic ones like my entire body shape. 

  But if he was willing to help me, I should be willing to try. Because I did want to feel skinny and pretty. I needed just... to be able to look at myself and feel comfortable in my own skin.