HOW FAR I CAN LET YOU SINK

When I fall, I mingle with what's already there.

\\\\ I want to apologize for uploading this chapter so late but as i said before i need time and i want to be honest with you, i actually forgot about this story but after i started to write it again i fell in love with it once again. I already wrote the following chapter and it will be uploaded tomorrow and it's going to be the last one but don't worry there will be an epilogue\\\\ 

We looked at each other like we had never seen the person in front of us before. I looked at him and contemplate every inch of his wet face. He never stopped playing with his lips and held me by my shoulders while I held his face. I liked his harsh cheeks and his strong jaw and with my thumb I started to caress him. In the moment I realized what I was doing; I stopped and swam back towards the shore. He got out of the water in silence just like I did. Our eyes never met. We got dressed again and ignored the cold wind that with his blow seemed to push us closer. We entered the car, started it and said goodbye to that beautiful bay that now held our secret, our impossible love. “One day” I told myself: “we’ll come back here and we’ll be ready to accept us.” I really believed my words.

In few minutes we went back to being ourselves just like nothing had happened. Maybe we were a little awkward but I was thankful we didn’t change. We played stupid ‘car-games’ and laughed and talked. Anthony was struggling to keep his eyes open and couldn’t stop yawning so I offered to drive. He fell asleep almost as he leaned his head on the seat but before he asked me to wake him up once we were in Seattle. The more we approached the city, the more I felt the cold cling to my bones and weaken them. My fingers were numb and red, just like my nose. When we passed the Seattle road sign, something changed. I started to sweat and feel a weird heat running from my head to my legs. I felt like my lungs were carrying too much air that they would implode. There was too much hot blood running through my veins that seemed like my skin was about to crumble like thin paper on fire. My brain was screaming and my muscles aching. I braked so violently that I almost hit my head on the steering wheel .The cars around us started to horn and do their best not to hit us. Something was wrong, I could feel it.

“What the fuck dude!” Said Anthony who wasn’t wearing the seat belt, felt the braking and woke up.

“Seattle isn’t safe.”

“What are you talking about Ian?” He was starting to be annoyed by my frequent ‘delays’.

“I don’t know, I just feel it.”

“Yeah. Now just relax. You’re probably just stressed by this whole situation, it’s just paranoia.”

“No it’s not. I’m okay. I just….” He interrupted me with a hug that restored my body heat and made me feel good, not tortured anymore.

“I’m sorry.” He said looking sad. “For everything. I promise we’ll get out of this situation.”

“I hope so.”

“We will.” He looked at me and smiled. “C’mon I’ll drive.”

We past some acceptable neighborhoods till we got to the worst ones; where this ‘friend’ lived. I just sat and waited and hoped everything would have gone for the best. We parked the car and took the bag with the money in it which had become less heavy. Anthony had the keys and held them thigh between his palm and fingers. I thought that maybe he was right, that I was just being paranoid. We were safe there and far away from Sacramento or Los Angeles. The first thing I wanted to do was to call Melanie because I knew she had called me in those days, too bad my telephone was somewhere in the rubbles of the Smosh house. When we opened the door we realized the house was pretty dark and a strong fustiness filled the air. Lee (the name of Anthony’s friend as far as I can remember) wasn’t there and I guess he hadn’t been for weeks. That worried me a little.

“Did you tell him we were coming?”

“Of course I did. Maybe he’s buying some groceries or stuff like that.” Anthony tried to reassure me, but I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. I sat on Lee’s leather couch, sighed and closed my eyes.

“Ok I’m going to take a shower upstairs.” Anthony said. I really wanted to take a shower too; the sea water was starting to form a patina of salt on my skin and it was really annoying. I nodded and heard his steps on the stairs. I tried to ignore the pain in my stomach and smother the little voice in my head who constantly told me not to trust that Lee. What were we going to do anyway? Stay in his house forever? We would eventually have to find the money and give it back. I knew there was a way to get out of that situation that didn’t include some of us dying or getting hurt. The kiss we shared came back in my memory. What we did wasn’t going anywhere. Anthony proposed to Kristin and they were going to get married, there was no way he would have chosen me instead of his beloved betrothed and I didn’t want to renounce our friendship. I wanted him to be my best friend, not boyfriend and he couldn’t be both… Or could he?

 No sound was coming from upstairs. I couldn’t hear the water or any movement. I called his name, one, two times but he was not answering. I opened my eyes and went towards the stairs hoping that it was some of Anthony’s stupid pranks or just a dream and if it was, I wanted to wake up as soon as possible.

“I’m coming up Anthony. I swear to God if this is some kind of prank you’d better stop, dude.” I informed Anthony who didn’t deign to answer. The stairs cracked under my feet and weight. I held my sobbing breath and went slow. Upstairs the air was stale. All the doors were close, all except one which I directed myself to.  Once the light was on I could see there was nothing in that room. A shiver ran down my back and before I could even think about what could be behind me something, someone hit me so hard that I fell on the dusty cold ground. My sight was blurred and my hearing didn’t work so well. Everything was in slow motion. “NO!” I heard someone scream. Heavy footsteps, another hit, a thud of a body falling, laughs and then darkness.

Today is the day. People say I’m weak. Well, they don’t really say that but I know they think it, I can see it in their eyes when I walk away. Everybody knows, there’s no hiding for me.

Today is a special day; it’s September and it is still summer. In few days though it will be fall and you can tell because the days are shorter and the air cooler. Fall is a fine season, I like it.

Today is not a great day because I have the courage to talk to him. I know it’s a good thing but it hurts because is impossible for me not to remember and ponder of everything.

I close the door of my house behind me and breath the not-yet- autumnal air.

Today is the 16th of September and I’m going to pay a visit to an old friend. Writing my memories convinced me to do it, I can’t dwell on the past anymore, it’s time to fix what I haven’t fixed back in the days.

There are no people on the streets maybe it’s because it will rain soon. Well, I can’t postpone this anymore, I’m old, and I don’t even know if I will be alive next year. Melanie says that I’m melodramatic, that I’m not that old. I guess she’s right, she always is…

I check my pocket and find the letter I wrote many years ago. It’s there and it’s crumpled. It stayed in my drawer under a book for more than a decade and now it sees the light. I look at it. The ink is blurred but it’s still visible. I know he’s angry at me for making him wait so much. I will read it for him.

Today is a fine day after all. I missed Anthony and now I can finally tell him how I feel. I hope he listens to me, because I have so much to say. 

\\\\So yeah this is chapter seven, did you like it? Tomorrow i will upload the last chapter and when i come back from holidays, the epilogue, so it will be over but not really lol. Thanks for reading and leave a comment if you have nothing better to do and votes because votes are like pizza (?)\\\