I don't know anymore (Request for alexisrader77)

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Alexis's POV


Everything blew up in my face a week ago. I had hung out with Nate and Sam since I was a freshman. I was close with both of them. 

But then they confessed. Both of them had feelings for me. Nate confessed a week before Sam. Then we got together. They wanted me to choose then but I couldn't. I cared for both of them so much. 

I definitely didn't want to hurt either of them. I was talking to my friend on the phone about it.


"Why haven't you decided yet?" she asked. I bit my lip and shrugged even though she couldn't see me.

"I can't. I don't even know what to do anymore. I haven't talked to either of them," I said.

"Well, I'll take the one you don't choose," she giggled. I rolled my eyes. I stayed silent Because I didn't want to insult her. 

"Oh, Come on, Alexis don't be unfair," she said, "you can't have both of them."

"I know that but won't it be weird dating one of them when you know that they liked your best friend?" I asked. She suddenly became silent and I knew she was hurt and angry.

"I'm sorry. You can date who you want. I'm just really confused right now," I sighed.

"I understand," she said. "Look, grab a piece of paper and divide it in half," she instructed. I did as she said.

"On one side write Nate and in the other write Sam. Now make a list of all of the good things they have done for you and what you like about them. Whichever had more than choose him," we talked for several hours. Finally I had my decision. I thanked her and went to go see him.


****

"Alexis, hey," Sam hugged me when he opened the door. I patted his back and we pulled away.

"Come on in," he said. I stopped him and shook my head.

"I think we should stay out here," I said. He nodded and shut the door. We sat at his outside table across from each other.

"So, you've decided," Sam said after a few moments of silence. He was smiling but it slowly drifted away after I nodded.

"It's not me, is it?" he said it more like a statement. I shook my head.

"You are an amazing guy and I love you. But Nate and I.... we are just better together. I know that you'll bounce back from this and realize that we wouldn't have been great together. You are an amazing guy and deserve a great girl. You'll find one, I promise. I'll even help you," I said. I touched his hand and hoped that he would still be my friend.

He nodded and grinned.

"I hope you know that I'm going to tease and mess with you and Nate," he said. I laughed and replied.

"You wouldn't be Sammy if you didn't," I said.


***

I knocked on his door and waited. He opened the door and rubbed his eyes. He was shirtless with low hanging sweatpants.

"Hey," I smiled. I tried to force down the nerves and sickness. I hoped that he would except me.

"Hey," he said. He sounded really bored and monotone.

I reached out to hug him and I rubbed his back. He barely even touched me back.

"So you chose," he snapped.

"Yeah," I said when I pulled away. The sickness and dread started to come back. 

"Great. So I'm going to guess you came by to say that you're sorry," he said. I could feel the tears start to spring in my eyes. He thought that I needed to apologize for choosing him.

"I should've known that you weren't serious. I thought you actually wanted me and....I'm sorry for choosing you, okay? We can just go back to normal," I said. I couldn't look at him without wanting to cry. I turned around and walked away quickly while the tears flowed from my eyes.

"Alexis, no wait a minute," Nate called after me. I could here him jog behind me. His feet slapped against the cement. He hugged me from behind, making me stop my movement.

"You chose me?" Nate asked. I grabbed his wrists and pushed him away. I turned around and looked him in the eyes. My vision was blurred from the tears that were down my face. 

"Yeah. But maybe I should've chose Sam. He wouldn't want me to say sorry for choosing him. He would be happy. And if you aren't then whatever. So screw you, Nate,"I yelled. Nate pulled me hard against him to keep me from walking away. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered in my ear repeatedly. 

"I thought you chose Sam," he said. I slapped his chest while keeping my head on his shoulder.

"I came to see you," I said.

"But Sam told me that he had seen you and that I should probably expect a visit from you. I thought you chose him because he's better than me," Nate said. I relaxed in his arms and rubbed his back.

"He's great," I said lightly. Nate stiffened like he expected me to change my mind. 

"But he isn't you," I said. I looked up to him and kissed his chin. He ducked his head down and kissed my lips. I responded immediately and when we pulled apart I knew. I knew I had made the right choice.

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