Dear You | ✓

02:46 p.m.

Your words rang in my ears repeatedly. The sound of you saying them were amplified -almost defeaning. I wanted to stop them from repeating but it seemed as if I was unable to do so no matter how hard I tried.

"I think we'll be better off as friends."

Those words suffocated me, left me desperate and gasping for air. Tears pricked my eyes and my head began pounding. The tears escaped and rolled down my cheeks. My cheeks were stained; the colour of them were a pale coral. I wiped them furiously with the back of my hand.

Why should I care about you anymore?

You left me. All our plans for a future together diminished when you said those seven words. All our hopes of growing old together. All our dreams of having our own, happy family. Those things are just stupid little fantasies. I should not expect anything more than friendship from now on. I should stop my feelings before they develop any further.

No matter how many times I have said those things to myself already, I cannot wrap my mind around the fact that we are officially over. I cannot bear to think that I am not your number one anymore. Forbidden was to have feelings that exceeded the feelings of a mere friend. But nagging questions kept crawling back to my thoughts.

Was I ever your number one?

Did you ever genuinely love me?

Was it all a lie?

I cannot help these questions from evading my mind. They ate away at my sanity and made me paranoid. It was stupid of me to give my whole being up to someone who just threw it away. You may not be aware of it, but you ripped and walked away with the majority of me when you left.

Nevertheless, I do not feel any hatred of disdain towards you. It is impossible for me to hate someone I love this much. The only person whom I am hating right now is myself. I should have known from the start that you're way out of my league. That you're too amazing for me. You deserve someone else who will treat you better and a girl who will display more affection than I did.

I was filled with insecurities and cowardice. Why would you have wanted to stay with me in the first place?

I can't even bear to live with myself most of he time because I know I'm not good enough for anyone. However, you never made me feel like that during the time we were together. You made me feel special and loved. You made me feel blessed to have such a great person by my side.

But I was wrong. It was probably all a game to you and I was just a pawn in it.

I gave all of me and fell right into your arms. You caught me momentarily but then you let go when I didn't expect it. You let me go and left me weak. My mind keeps telling me to forget about every memory we shared. The secret escapades, the late night conversations, the hugs and holding hands.

All of those are gone in a split second.

Those words are what started the breaking of my heart. Words kill. I am the victim and the person I love is my murderer.

-2:46