Capture My Heart (BK3: Niall Horan)

-Ch 33: Fighting Against.

CHAPTER THRITY-THREE: Fighting Against.

If you dig up someone’s secrets too much, eventually you’re going to find something you didn’t want to find.

As my eyes scanned over these words, projected brightly on the display of my mobile, my feelings of anxiety seemed to sky-rocket. Cautiously, I looked around me, hunting for the shape of another human, watching me, knowing what I was doing. But I could see nobody. Although it was strange, that somebody always seemed to know what I was doing, what I was about to do. And they felt the same things as me – they knew that this was going to result into something I wouldn’t like. But they also seemed to know that I was going to continue anyway.

Somebody had to be messing around, right? It was so terribly accurate yet pointless it could not be something serious. I wasn’t really sure who exactly was messing around, who exactly would find this kind of humorous. But I figured they must have to know me well, know how easy it is to scare me.

But it was the kind of thing I would do -  in fact the kind of thing I always did – to go ahead and do something even though it probably had more cons than pros. It was the fear that pushed me a little though, being in this deserted, somewhat rough, side of town upon nightfall. It was almost as if the fear and anxiousness was a palm pressing flat against my back, a hardening pressure. And the conscience was something else that was roping me back, telling me to walk fast to the tube, and to go home, like Niall expected me to. He expected that he would come home whenever, and I would be sleeping soundly in the bed he would then climb into beside me. I would have no idea of where he had been, and my supposed foolish stupidity would trust him when he told me the false story.

I think in the end, that was what drove me the most. It was the reluctance to take the easy way out, and just be the foolish, gullible girlfriend. I’d always had a dependency on someone, and I didn’t like it that way, but I think it made me feel somewhat safer. Although I was determined to press against this, to do for once, not what Niall expected me to do. Not what Niall told me to do, by phrasing it this way I made it sound like some kind of rebellious act against a really controlling boyfriend. Which it wasn’t, it was really nothing of the sort. I couldn’t tell whether it was a reach for my sanity, or a reach for insanity, but I supposed I would find out.

So I pocketed my phone, debating against burying it deep or leaving it sitting easily accessible at the top. I seemed to worry about detail too much when doing something I probably shouldn’t be doing, or maybe it was just procrastination. 

I felt on edge in this building, I didn’t know if it was the fact that I had been in one’s similar and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. But maybe I didn’t want to know. So I told myself to press on, parking myself nonchalantly at the height of the stairwell. Taking nervous glances around me I found my fingers curling over my phone, pulling it from my pocket. But as I did so, I kept taking steps closer to where the quiet chatter of voices could be heard. I had a text from my sister, but I ignored it, bringing up Niall’s contact. The voices were prominent now, in fact, so prominent that I could tell crystal clear what they were saying. I recognised Niall’s straight away, and although the others seemed familiar I couldn’t place them just on sound.

Although, it was highly doubtful that I had at all wanted to know who they were. The surprise all seemed very slowed down, a brief intake of air between my lips and the increase in speed from my heartbeat. And these were all the physical things that happened as the identities of the two other voices revealed themselves. Sat there, in the dark and dank confirms of this strange, crumbling building were people I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. But they were also people I most definitely didn’t want Niall having supposed secret meetings with.