The Reason Why (Harmione)

Chapter 7

When Harry woke up the next morning, his argument with Hermione was immediately on his mind. Somehow, the guilt seemed to have completely set in while he slept. He made a mental note to apologize to her the first chance he got. But he knew that wouldn't be for a while. He couldn't let Ginny know that anything was wrong.

But something was definitely wrong. When he thought Ginny's name, he didn't get the same feeling he used to. He didn't immediately want to see her like he always did before. He told himself that it was because of what Hermione told him, but deep down he knew it was more than that. His feelings for Hermione were back from the dead.

How could that be? How could he have forgotten about her for so long, and have it all rekindled with just a few words? Maybe if he had known all along...

But how long was that? How long had Hermione felt that way? Weeks? Months? Years?

Harry wasn't sure how he felt about any of it. If she had felt this way so long, why hadn't she told him? Well, probably the same reason he never told her.

Harry took a deep breath and decided that in order to figure this out, he would have to take it one step at a time. First, he was going to have to see Ginny again. Although he knew in his heart that he didn't have feelings for Ginny anymore, he wanted to be sure before he made any decisions. Then, he was going to have to talk to Hermione. He needed to apologize for what he'd said to her, and he needed to give her a proper answer. Even if he was still in love with Ginny, he needed to tell her that he had felt the same. She needed to know that he was just as guilty as she was, and it was wrong of him to blame her so harshly.

He sighed. He knew he couldn't question himself. Talking himself out of it would only make it worse. But this was definitely going to hurt. Telling her that in another life, it could have happened the way they both wanted it to. But this wasn't another life. This was their reality, and it was too late to change it now.

Harry shook the second thoughts out of his head and got up and got dressed. Today is going to be a long day, he thought.

                                 ~ooo~

Hermione sighed when she woke up and all of last night's thoughts came back to her. Although she had to admit, she felt better about it now. Of course, she wished Harry had never said any of it, but she knew he was wrong. It wasn't guilt that was dragging her down this morning.

It wasn't the day behind her that worried her, it was the day ahead of her. Although nothing had really changed for her, the knowledge that something had changed for Harry made her stomach turn over. The two of them had a secret now, and she was anxious to see how he would deal with it.

But he had made his reaction clear already.

So it was settled. She'd go on as if nothing had happened, just like she had been for so long now.

She looked herself over in the mirror one last time, straightened her back, let out a deep breath, and walked out of her room to the Great Hall for breakfast.

                                 ~ooo~

Harry walked into the Great Hall, looking around briefly for Hermione and looking down when he spotted her. He considered taking a seat away from her, but he decided that just because they had had an argument didn't mean that he couldn't be civil toward her. Besides, he didn't want to make anybody suspicious, and sitting without Hermione would do exactly that.

When Hermione saw Harry walk into the Great Hall, she pretend to be extremely preoccupied with her plate. She knew she would have to face him now. She glanced up again to see that he was halfway to her now. She took those last few seconds to compose herself and smiled at Harry when he sat down next to her. "Good morning," she said brightly. Who says I can't act?

And either Harry really was happy to see her, or he was just as good an actor as she was. Hermione suspected it was the latter. "Good morning," he replied, mirroring her tone.

Harry tried his best to act normal. He really was noticing Hermione now, but he was trying not to show it. When he looked at her, he couldn't seem to talk correctly. He forced himself not to avoid eye contact, but instead he ended up staring. God, what has gotten into me? Harry wondered.

His eyes scanned the Great Hall for Ginny. As if on cue, she walked through the doors just then. 

Harry was disappointed. He didn't get that same feeling when he looked at Ginny that he did when he looked at Hermione. In fact, he couldn't remember ever feeling this way about Ginny. It was official. He was over her.

But Ginny didn't know that. She stilled viewed Harry the same way she did yesterday. And his and Hermione's acting was working, because she didn't suspect a thing. She sat down next to Harry and kissed him. He went with the conversation as if nothing was wrong.

See Ginny. Check. Next: Talk to Hermione.

                               ~ooo~

It was their free period for the day. Hermione sat in an armchair in the Gryffindor common room, trying hard to read her book but with no success. She could see Harry fidgeting uncomfortably in the chair next to her. She was just about to ask him what was wrong when he finally spoke up.

"H-Hermione?" Harry almost whispered.

Hermione looked up from her book and over to him. "Hmm?"

"I-I just wanted to say..." Harry trailed off for a moment. "That I'm sorry," he finished painfully.

Hermione suppressed a smirk. An apology. Just what she's been hoping for. "It's alright, Harry."

He nodded and gulped nervously. "Th-that's not all, Hermione."

She raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

He nodded again. "Could... Could be go upstairs where it's more private?"

The satisfaction drained out of Hermione as she wondered what Harry had to say to her. "Sure, Harry," she said, grabbing her bag and following Harry up the stairs to her bedroom.