The Reason Why (Harmione)

Chapter 34

It had been two weeks since Lily disappeared. The only thing getting Harry and Hermione up in the morning was the idea that this could be the day they found her.

The worst thing about it was that, like it or not, there were other problems in the world, and Harry and Hermione were paid to deal with them. Every day they had to investigate issues; robberies, murders, kidnappings not unlike their own. The last was the hardest for them to deal with because all the while, their only thought was that they could have spent that time finding their own child.

Hermione always felt guilty when she had these thoughts. She knew how it felt to lose her child. She had chosen this career so she could help people with these problems. But she hated it now because she felt that she deserved the help she was giving to other people. She cursed whoever had done this, thinking that they had turned her into something that wasn't her.

She especially felt herself changing when dealing with murders. In the past, she would feel nothing but sympathy for the ones who had lost a loved one. These days, she tried so hard to summon that sympathy. But it was forced. Underneath, she could feel an emotion she would never admit to having. Envy.

What is wrong with me? She would think to herself. Why would I envy somebody who clearly has it much worse than I do? But there was a louder voice in the back of her mind saying, At least they know what happened to their child. For all I know, my child could be dead. She would shiver at this thought, and it would pull her slightly away from the darkness. How odd, she thought, that this is the though that keeps me going.

It was very odd. But it helped. Of course, Hermione hoped with all her heart that Lily was alright. But her ultimate goal was just to know.

Harry, ever the optimist, wasn't using the same thought as Hermione for comfort. Harry repeatedly reminded himself that there was no telling how Lily was, which meant that there was every possibility that she was perfectly fine and stubbornly ignored the possibility that she could not be perfectly fine.

Also unlike Hermione, Harry's sympathy for his clients only deepened now. Harry had always felt sorry for the people he worked for. He had always seen the worry in their eyes and hoped that he could ease it. But he had never tried to imagine just how that felt. Now he was glad he hadn't, because it would have been a waste of time. It was impossible.

But what was more important was that he had never thought to be grateful. He had never taken the time to appreciate how lucky he was that this had never happened to him.

When I find her, he told himself determinedly, I'm never going to take her for granted again.

But Harry had to admit that that day was beginning to seem far away. The days since Lily's disappearance had dragged by impossibly slowly, and none of them brought good news.

But they didn't bring bad news either. Each day was another long, painful stretch of not knowing. One thing Harry and Hermione had in common, they both just wanted news.

They had worn into a third week when the silence of Hermione's Auror office was broken as the door flew open. The door swung aside to reveal her husband, looking tired and out of breath as though he had ran the whole way there.

"Hermione," he gasped, leaning in the doorway for support as he tried to catch his breath. "We need to go immediately."

Hermione stood and walked around her desk. "What's the matter?" She asked, her brow furrowed with worry.

"They got a call. It's about Lily."

The rest of the world melted away. Hermione immediately took off at a run, not even warning Harry to move out of her way.

The effects hadn't worn off from his last run, and Harry was running again.

Both made their way to the Head Auror's office as quickly as possible, ready to finally hear something.