One Thousand Paper Cranes

Chapter 28

"Chicago is literally the shit at night." Roman was staring dreamily out the window, he'd rolled it down sometime before we'd entered the lit city. I was acutely aware of it's beauty, my mind as elsewhere. Eliam had leaned against me, his head on my shoulder and his hair tickling the underside of my jaw.

I enjoyed the fact that we weren't talking. I was afraid more conversations would lead to arguments, they most often did. But I could draw comfort from the fact that we'd 'made-up', though I don't know if that's exactly what happened.

At some point in the car ride Eliam laid his head on my shoulder, his hair tickling the underside of my jaw. I kept thinking about how lucky I was. How crazy it was that of all the shit I'd been handed I got to have a small piece of happiness.

"Where do you think they're taking us?" Eliam's voice pulled me back to reality. I smiled down at him and kissed his forehead.

"I have no idea. Hopefully some place with food. I'm starving." I laughed.

It turned out that Roman and Greg had decided upon going to Cloud Gate. I could see its mirrored, smooth arch just ahead of us. Apparently 'the bean' is not its actual name and Ro made a point in telling me so.

"Who the fuck actually thinks it's called the bean?" He asked.

"Me and many other people." I answered with a laugh.

"God, sometimes you make me feel ill, Sammy." He trailed off and the next thing he said was a whisper. "The bean my ass."

Eliam laughed, making me smile and Roman roll his eyes.

"You guys are so uncultured it's not even funny." More laughter ensued and this time Roman cracked and joined in. It was just us four, in that tiny car Greg had, laughing like we didn't have a care in the world. Because, to be honest, we really didn't.
***

Surprisingly, not a lot of people were at Cloud Gate. The few stragglers seemed interested in what was around the bean, sorry, Cloud Gate. The structure reflected everything. The tall buildings seemed to be painted onto its surface.

"This is so cool." I breathed. We walked under its arch and I looked up at my reflection smiling down at me. Eliam stood next to me, looking up as well and our eyes met. My smile disappeared as he grabbed my hand and pulled me from where we were.

We walked over to the small steps that led to Cloud Gate and sat down, our hands falling away.

"I want to talk to you." He paused and took in one long, shaky breath. "I want to talk to you about Taylor." He turned his head so we were looking right at each other, really looking. I didn't know what to say. All I knew of Taylor was that he was an asshole. An asshole who hurt my boyfriend.

"I met Taylor when I was a freshman. He was fine when we were dating. He took me places and we kept it all secret. I hadn't come out to anyone yet, I didn't want people to know. So we met in weird places. Gigi's was one of them." He was shaking as he spoke and I wrapped my arm around his waist, pulling him to my side.

"He was a dream. I was bisexual and just beginning to come to terms with the fact that girls weren't the only gender I was attracted to. I'd gone to Gigi's and there he was. Sitting all alone. I should've walked away. Should've went back home, but I stayed, and we talked. By the end of the night we'd agreed to see each other again. Thinking back on it there were so many red flags. He only talked about himself, sort of self-absorbed. I knew he was from school. It kind of made me wary, I didn't anyone to know about us."

"He agreed we'd only see each other after school, when no one was around. He was something of a punk. He smoked whenever I was around him. Sometimes cigarettes. Sometimes pot. I started to feel like he could only kiss me and do things with me if he was high. I told him this and he hit me, on my eye, my ribs, he busted my lip open." He touched the places that he was talking about and looked down. I willed my tears away, but a few slipped down my cheek faster than I could wipe them away.

"I should've left. I should've told him to fuck off, but I was a coward and despite everything he did I thought he loved me. How stupid was I?" He laughed and laughed, the noise turning into rattling breaths and then he was crying. Deep and hard and agonizing.

"I kept coming back to him. He needed the pot and some sick part of me thought I needed him. I got angry, with everyone. Rachel and I were close, but Taylor changed me and that's why we don't talk anymore. I pushed her away. Taylor kept hitting me, kept telling me I was worthless and I believed him." He wiped away a stray tear that had made its way to the bottom of his cheek. "I-I just thought you should know. It took me two years to piece back together my trust. You're the only one who knows besides my family."

"Why are you telling me this?" I sounded harsh, but By the look on his face he knew I wasn't trying to be.

"I love you a lot." He sniffled and I wanted to kiss him. I don't think I'd ever wanted to kiss him more. "And-"

"I love you, too." I blurted out. Eliam hiccuped and looked at me, finally, eyes wide. I smiled.

"What?" He breathed.

"I love-" he pulled me to him by the back of my neck. He kissed me softly, with all the passion in him it seemed. I clutched the back of his jacket, fisting the fabric. I let out a small sigh as his tongue traced my lower lip and entered my mouth. I wanted nothing, only him.

"It took you long enough." He laughed against my mouth, thumbs massaging the back of my neck. I smirked and kissed him again, needy this time.

"I love you."