*trigger warning this chapter WILL have self harm and have some very depressing things inside it. DO NOT READ IF YOU CAN BE TRIGGERED*
ASPEN'S POV
I couldn't believe what was happening
I didn't want to believe what was happening
I left the hospital after the doctor told me about Des
I didn't bother calling an uber or hailing a taxi
I wanted to walk
It would give more time to think about whats happening
I decided to pull out my phone and headphones and listen to music
I put my favorite song on
I started humming the song which turned into soft singing
Its too cold for you here
So let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater
Its too cold for you here
So let me hold both your hands in the holes of my sweater
I started thinking about Des and everything that happened.
Will things ever be the same
Will our relationship be the same
Will he even wake up
I hope so
I couldn't continue living without him
I relied on him for everything
I don't know what to do anymore without him
I'm feeling lost
Again
Without realizing it
I brought myself to tears
The warm tears hit my cold face and my face went hot
I was crying more now
I didn't want this to be my reality
Life is fucking terrible
Just when things were going great this had to fucking happen
Just my luck
The world hates me
I was practically sobbing at this point
I finally reached home and ran into my apartment
Once I was inside I locked myself in my room and bawled my eyes out
This was all too much to handle
Thats it
I couldn't take it anymore
I went to my closet and grabbed a box
A box I promised myself I wouldn't ever open again
I broke that promise today
Inside the box was razors
I picked up one
And slid it across my wrists
And again
And again
And again
Crimson blood dripped out onto to the white bedsheets
"Fuck. Life." I whispered
I saw Lass staring at me from the door way
I had a rush of guilt throughout my body
What would Des think of me doing this
He would think I'm weak and a pathetic piece of shit wouldn't he
He would leave me
I layed down on my bed
More blood dripping out and staining the bedsheets
I finally had the strength to get up out of bed
I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower
I closed the bathroom door and took off my clothes and got into the shower
As the water hit my cuts I winced in pain
I washed my hair and body and saved my cuts for last
I washed all the blood off and the water turned red
I sighed and turned off the water then got out of the shower
I dryed myself off and then put on clean clothes
I walked back to my bedroom and found Lass on my bed
I petted her and sighed
I decided to turn on my computer and watch something on netflix
I watched couple episodes and then turned my computer off
I then layed down and thought about Des more
I was still in shock
Lass came up to me and sat on my stomach
I smiled at her and took out my phone
I opened up twitter and had over 5000 notifications asking what happened
I was debating whether or not to tell them
It was 1:00am and I was getting really tired
I turned off my phone and shut off the lights and crawled under the blankets
After 10 minuted of trying to sleep I heard something
"Open up"
