Love On Canvas

Canvas 5 - An Outline of White

I woke up and my eyes were painful from crying. It has been a week after the questioning. Tina is...Tina is the main culprit that they are investigating on. I've been crying non-stop after I woke up from the hospital and my Daddy told me that they didn't detain Tina but she is not allowed to go out of the country or town and was given a search warrant to investigate further on her. They'd found a big bottle of isoflourane in her home which is an anesthetic and can knock you out if inhaled. Daddy said that Tina called her trying to explain but he didn't speak to her. She keeps on calling my phone but I don't answer it. I need to think and to process all that is happening right now.

"Baby..." I saw Daddy at the door and he is not wearing his usual suit and tie and it is a Monday. I also saw Mommy who wore something casual like they are going out of town. Kapag Monday kasi ay formal ang dalawa kong magulang dahil sa trabaho nila.

"Dad, Mom." I tried to prop myself up but my body felt heavy. Masakit pa rin ang mga tahi at sugat ko pero kaya ko na pero laging ganito kapag umaga. I was told to take pain killers but I don't want to. I let the pain put me through sleep hoping that the pain will let me remember in my dreams.

"Maligo ka anak at magbihis. I packed your breakfast. Sa daan ka na lang kumain." Lumapit sa akin si Mommy at niyakap ako.

"Wa-why? Where are we going?"

"We are going to the province. We badly need a break on this." Tumingin ako kay Mommy. Alam kong sinasabi niya lang 'we' sa kapakanan ko. Pero sa totoo lang ay ako ang inaalala nila. This past week has been the hardest for me not only because of the case but also of the nightmares and headaches. Mas naging worse pa ito kesa ng nasa hospital ako. They didn't find something wrong in my brain why I have black outs. I've been seeing a psychiatrist because of the trauma and she said it could be that but can't really explain what is wrong.

"I don't feel like going out." Salita ko. Lumapit naman si Daddy.

"Trust me, anak, this vacation will do good for you." Tiningnan ko lang ng mataman si Daddy sa sinabi niya.

"Vacation with Beth and Zachary?" Kahit saan ako pumunta ay nakasunod ang dalawa na iyon. I know they are just following orders but the mere thought of having these two police officers wherever I go makes me more anxious.

"We already talked about this, Leah." Salita pa ni Daddy.

"Kung ganoon lang Daddy I'd rather stay home." Matigas kong salita. I've been seeing my case followed by media because of my Mommy...wala na akong privacy. "I've been private all my life and right now I feel like Kim Kardashian flaunting all the things in my life and always been followed." Nagtinginan si Mommy at Daddy.

"Okay, baby, what do you want?" Tanong pa ni Daddy.

"I don't want to be followed. Please. Kung magbabakasyon tayo Daddy sana tayo lang. Walang ibang tao. Pamilya lang."

"Done." Salita ni Daddy. "Ipapadismiss ko na si Beth at Zachary." Tumitig lang ako kay Daddy at ngumiti ito sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung ngingiti ako. Daddy has become too serious after what had happened to me and right now I just don't know what Dad's look meant.

"Ako na ang mag-iimpake ng mga damit mo at kakailanganin. Maligo ka na lang anak. Kami ng bahala." Lumapit sa akin si Daddy at tinulungan ako na tumayo.

...
I was looking at the scenery outside when Mommy held my hand. Napatingin ako sa kanya at ngumiti ang Mommy ko. All I can see now are the wrinkles on her face. My Mommy aged so much in a span of a two months. I really worried her so much though I didn't want to. I just...I just can't become my old happy self again with the things I've gone through and been going through my life right now. Mahirap, sobrang hirap.