Misbegotten

Nineteen

The air off the harbour was cooler than I had expected it to be. I rubbed my arms to try and keep warm, but my grey tank top did nothing to help against the sea breeze. I leant against the railing of the ferry and sighed. After last night, the fresh sea air was like a well needed cleanse to my soul, but unfortunately it wasn't enough to calm my nerves, that had been sitting at the base of my stomach since I woke up this morning.

Now that I had had time to think about what I was making Declan do, I felt incredibly guilty. I didn't want to push him to far, because I knew he meant well. But I had to see him put his words into some form of action before I could commit to anything.

The ferry slowed as it began pulling into the dock at Circular Quay, the main ferry port in Sydney. I pushed off the railing, and made my way back inside and down the stairs to disembark. I tried to steady my racing heart with some long deep breaths, but deep down in I knew, this was going to be anything but a relaxing day.

He had his back to me when I found him. He was standing watching the ferries come and go. He, obviously smarter me, was wearing a jacket. It was still summer, but the mornings tended to be cooler, especially being on the sea. I noticed that his brown hair had been tousled by the wind, as I walked up to him, but he still looked good - but at this point, I was sure I was probably just biased. I stood next to him quietly, and looked out facing the harbour. He turned towards me.

"Hey," I said.

"Hi."

"You don't have to do this," I said, turning to stand in front of him. "I've been thinking about it, ever since I called you. And the truth is, I have already forgiven you. I forgive you, because I understand why you did what you did, and I know you didn't do it to hurt me in any way. So I forgive you."

"But do you trust me?" he asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but I couldn't say anything, mostly because I wasn't really sure if I had an answer to that question.

"I don't want you to do this because of me. Yes, this would help me know that you'll live up to everything you said, but I don't want you to put yourself in this position with them, if it's not what you want," I said instead.

"Thank you," he nodded. "But I want to do this." I felt him hesitate, and he looked away from me, casting his gaze to the floor.

"What is it?" I asked. I stepped closer to him, but was careful not to overstep the line I had put between us.

"I accepted the offer this morning."

"The business offer or the photography offer?" I stepped back. He lifted his eyes, and nodded somewhat more confidently.

"The photography offer."

"Wow," I couldn't help the smile forming on my face.

His smirk returned a little, and he looked me up and down, "You didn't think I'd accept it."

"I didn't think you would so quickly, at least. I wasn't sure," I shrugged.

"So now I don't have a choice. I need to do what you said I should. I need to tell my parents. And I need to tell them now."

*

We stopped outside of a tall building in the centre of the city. It had a large revolving door and thousands of windows that scaled the whole front façade. Despite the entire situation, it was very impressive, but of course this was a thought I did not voice aloud to Declan.

He looked very nervous. We had started off the walk to the Jacobsen offices with light conversation, but the closer we got, the quieter Declan became. I felt a little less guilty, because I wasn't the main reason he was doing this anymore. Last night I had been firm, I told him the only way I would ever consider us – being an us again - was if he took told his parents that he was not going into their business, and not just told them, but stood his ground. Now, watching him nervously walk up the steps of the building, all I wanted to do was tell him to forget about it all. But, this was bigger than me, and simply walking away wasn't a possibility anymore.