Phoenix of Olympus (PJO/Harry Potter) UNEDITED (PJ FANFICTION)

Ch.13- Investigations of Suspicion: #1

It was strange to him, how quickly the sound of laughter and life turned to absolute silence. He had noticed that since the war, something was different. That something had changed. It was slight, almost imperceptible. There was a shift. The laughs were muffled, the sun was dulled. There seemed to be a curtain between him and everyone else's reality. Before that rift was simply his knowledge of the mythical world and knowing the truth. But this was different. It was more. For the longest time, he thought it had been the world that had changed when in reality, it had been him. He was the one who had changed, but for better or worse, he couldn't say. He didn't want to, because he didn't want to confront what had changed him.

He was brave and he was strong, but not strong or brave enough for that. Not yet. 

White was a curious shade. He had always thought so. It was plain. It was nothing and yet, it carried so much weight and meaning. It was pure, but it also held the melancholy taint of memory. It had already been a few months, and while Percy knew he couldn't leave everything behind, he had to try. He had to try to accept it and learn to live on for the rest of eternity. He was going to have to hold on to himself, onto his power and keep it together. His domains, his aspects, his power, the whole world rested and resides within them. He couldn't afford to lose control or break free, he couldn't let his darkness consume him. He has an entire planet that needs saving, he cannot say goodbye. He had to break free from his own mind and change how he thought. Easier said then done. But as he looked into the white, his pain seemed to numb itself into oblivion. And that happiness he had just felt...

He missed it.

He missed laughter and he missed smiling. Even now, he could feel the shadow pains of the muscles on his face contacting after months of little to no use. Smiling hurt him now, but it still felt good. He wanted it. He needed it. He just doesn't know how to reclaim it. But he wanted to. He wanted to have his old self back. He just didn't know how he could be that carefree and joyous after everything he had gone through in the last Earth year. Too much had changed,he had changed, and now he had to adapt. But he didn't want to move forward, though he knows he needs to. He'd love to just go back. But that's a foolish dream that will only serve to damage him further. He knew he'd have to let go soon. But he was afraid that if he let go, he'd forget, that with every passing year, with every passing era, he'd begin to forget them, forget her. He couldn't allow that, he couldn't accept that. 

By the time his thoughts had wandered to his fear and regret towards his new immortality, he had reached the middle of the snow ladened field. The bottom half of his legs were becoming damp as he tried to walk through the oil of the high snow fall. In some parts, it only reached above his ankles and in others, the snow skimmed the height of his waist. if you had never seen the training area before, you'd have never known it existed underneath the blanket of white.

What a troublesome pain in the ass. Oh, Would you look at that? The lazy's come back. Fabulous.

It surprised him a bit. He hadn't really had time to be lazy the past...year, two years, six years....basically ever since he found out he was a demigod, he'd been robbed of the opportunity to be lazy. He resented that. He had a right to be a lazy ass. But yet again, he was not able to exercise that right. Dam job...who knew responsibility would be such a drag. Thank gods he could control water. Because trying to shovel out all of the snow from the field would take the whole day. If not more.

So he turned around himself a bit, turning in a circle to survey the area. Once he took stock of how much damage control he would have to correct, he closed his eyes. He always found it better to control or practice his powers with his eyes closed. Taking away his vision gave him something new: a raw connection to the water all around him. In the air, in the ground, in the life all around him, whenever he closed his eyes, he could see it and feel it. Every heart beat pulsed in time with his own, the water in his blood was the same as that of everyone else's. There was always something more, a bright light he could see within everything. The water would light up within, each molecule its own beacon. It was a map of the universe. He could see how it was all interwoven, all one. And that comforted him. Knowing and seeing that map of life was one of the things that kept him together, that reminded him to keep fighting the darkness within him. It gave him hope. The little hope he could hold onto.