The Squinterns

The Man in the Bear

"Caroline, I'm going to Washington State, so I'm going to need you here at the lab at all times." Dr. Brennan says as she walks by. I run over and catch her arm.

"Um. What?" I ask.

"I need you to stay here at the lab. All day and all night. You can sleep in your office." she tries to walk away again.

"Umm, Dr. Brennan." I say, stopping her, yet again. "My closet is bigger than that office." I complain.

"Then use mine. I'm leaving now, so if I were you, I'd pack your necessities now." she shrugs and walks off.

~

"All I am saying is why cut somebody up into pieces." asks Hodgins.

"Hey" I complain. "Until Dr. Brennan gets back, this is my office. And you're technically sitting on my bed.

"Well, too bad." says Hodgins dismissively.

"Pack them up tighter, maybe. Say, in a suitcase." says Zack, sitting down on the couch too.

"How did a bear open a suitcase?" asks Hodgins.

"I saw a documentary once, where a bear got in a car and drove away." says Zack.

"That was not a documentary, Zack. That was a cartoon." I say. Zack looks at me and rolls his eyes.

"Hello" says a pleasant female voice. We all turn to look to see a woman walking our way. "I'm looking for Zack Addy." she says. Zack puts down his coffee and stares in awe. "I've got a package of human remains."

Zack freezes, and Hodgins gets up. "Yeah, I can sign for that." he walks over and takes the clipboard. "Where's Jimmy?"

"Tahiti, Fiji, who knows? He won the lottery." replies the girl.

"Is it too much of a line to say no, we won the lottery" asks Hodgins.

The girl laughs nervously.

"It is." decides Hodgins. "Yeah, okay, I take it back. It's just, compared to you, you know-"

"The third nostril?" offers the girl.

"That whistling sound when he sneezes." laughs Hodgins.

The girl laughs.

"Unfortunately, it is too soon to ask you to have coffee." sighs Hodgins.

"It is?" asks the girl.

"Yes, yes" nods Hodgins. "Coffee is the third delivery capper."

"So what's the first delivery kapper?" asks the girl.

"Initial contact." replies Hodgins. "Meet cute, light flirting,"

The girl sighs. "Then I'll catch you in another couple of deliveries." she hands him the package.

"Okay" says Hodgins, watching her walk away.

Zack and I walk up behind him.

"You bogarted my package, man." complains Zack.

"You panicked and froze." I tell Zack pointedly.

"Also, incorrect use of the verb bogarted." says Hodgins, shoving the package into Zack and walking off.

~

"Brennan" answers Brennan.

"The person who belonged to the arm dies approximately one week ago" I say through a yawn. "And the bear ate it between one and three days ago."