A crude smile twisted onto my face. Your mouth moved and I couldn't find a reason to stay. I didn't need to hear your apologies, the weak smile, your hand resting on my shoulder, fear eminent in your shaky tone. I shrugged it off with a smile of my own. Your touch burned painfully and powerfully. The scattered pieces of my already broken heart jabbed painfully into my ribcage. My breathing shortened and my mind clouded over. I excused myself with a broken hearted smirk of my own. The aura of innocence radiating off of you gave me a bitter sense of familiarity. I walked away. I couldn't reveal to you what brokenness looks like, especially on what was supposed to be a fun night, It just wouldn't be fair. Like so many times I let my twisted smile and lying words take control of my body. The tears that lingered on half glazed orbs threatened to spill. And maybe it's just me, but I couldn't handle being there. With you. Your piercing gaze never failed to reach my cowering, shadowed remnants of my heart. My tears never went away and a trail of wetness coursed its way down my cheek. I rubbed it away angrily, scolding myself for being so weak, so immature.
The inward demons that controlled my mind smirked triumphantly. I was right. I was right and you were wrong. He broke you. He broke you again. Just like before. Unloved. Unwanted. Damaged goods. Damaged heart, damaged soul.
Damaged girl. Damaged girls never get fixed once they break. A strangle smile replaced the calmer, viewer friendly twisted one. I let the sobs bubble in my throat, breaking through as I fell to my knees, head resting atop of them. Alone. Forever alone. I want anything but. But you can't always get what you want. I tried so hard to keep my wreck guarded, to prevent you from getting in. But I turned into an open book instead...
You know. It's kind of easy when you've got nothing...because nothing can be taken away from you. I guess I didn't want nothing anymore...But I guess I tried to hard. You didn't love me. You just didn't want ot be along. Or maybe you liked what I did for your ego. Or maybe, maybe I made you feel a bit better about you miserable life. But you didn't love me. I know you didn't. Why? Because you don't destroy the ones you love.
I guess you felt bad, because several girls intruded my fortress to inform me you were standing out there, similar tears dancing about your porcelain skin. I went out there. Chin held high and a more-than-broken smile plastered across my features. Your eyes were downcast, tears brimming them mournfully. I opened my mouth to whisper the words that have been placed in my heart for days now. "C-Can we be in love again?"
A barrier broke through and more tears cascaded down your graceful portrait. "I-I'm sorry, I can't...I can't stay," I said, making my way back.
You called after me but I didn't respond. What was done between us was irrevocable and words could not mend the bleeding aperture within my heart.
And here I am today, holding on by the threads of my own mind, wishing for anything to take us back. I just....Can you just say you love me back?
....And I know you can't so don't bother lying. I don't know what else to do besides keep holding on...
A/N: I made 4 references to quotes from TV shows. Brownie points and mini-Asian hugs for those who can find them ;D
