Just hold on

I can be such a hypocrite, i have no place in judging him nor her

I've done many things in my life

Drugs, crazy parties, orgies, i have  gotten blacked out drunk many times

I've been very reckless before just like her and many others have

I'm trying to recover from everything before I end up dead because of it though

I've fucked up many of my relationships in the past

I've fucked up other people's relationships just as well

I've been a terrible person in the past

I've been depression and suicidal but none of that can excuse my shitty behavior towards people

My mind swirles with all these thoughts, i feel myself getting lost in my own head

"Caroline" i hear his voice utter my name as I sit in this bus stop with a cigarette in hand

The cold wind brushes my long red hair against my cold cheek

I can feel his eyes staring at the cigarette hanging between my lips

He lifted his hand with a lighter in between his fingers to light up my cigarette as a good gesture

I nodded my head as he lit up
my cigarette for me

"Thank you" I say in a whisper after I exhale

"You judged me and now you're doing the same as I was that day" he said as he sat next to me with a smirk faintly planted on his face

"I didn't judge you Ezra, I just stated the obvious and I've tried to stop smoking myself" I say as he took out a cigarette himself and lit it

"Self destruction is such a beautiful thing" he said as he exhaled as well

"No it's not Ez, self destruction is ugly, not beautiful" I said in a tired tone

"Ez?" He questioned in wonder

"Yeah" I confirmed as i nodded my head

"Caroline, Caro" he stated as conformation after a while as he exhaled more smoke

"Caro?" I repeated as i let out a soft laugh and shook my head

"You know.... I know who you use to be Caro, back in the day, before this version you portray of yourself now" he said looking at me curiously

"I know, I'm not surprise because everyone did but I'm not that person anymore" I say looking away, feelijg the shame clime up my spine giving me goosebumps

"That's how you two know each other" he said throwing his cigarette bud in ash trash-can next to us

"I know" I said in annoyance throwing mine away too and getting up to leave

"Hey Caro?" He whispered looking up at the sky lighting up another cigarette

"Yeah?" I asked looking back down at him in curiosity

"Take care" he whispered faintly as the rain started pouring down on us

I walked away from him, into the rain, wanting the raindrops to wash away my sins.