Just hold on

"You okay Caro?" Ezra asked as he put his head on my lap

"I don't know" I said looking up at the sky

"Wha-" I interrupt him before he could ask more questions

"Looks like it's going to rain again" I stated as I lit another cigarette.

"That's your
Fifth cigarette" he said stating the obvious

"And?" I snarl down at him in annoyance

I had enough going through my mind, i didn't need him pointing out the obvious

I needed a distraction, not a reminder

"You said you had stopped" he says as he nervously fiddles with his fingers as he closed his eyes

"Well I'm starting again then obviously" I snap impatiently, my anger boiling my blood up

These few months have been hell again for me

My brother died in a car crash in London a month after Mesh died but I didn't say anything to Ezra

He was grieving and i didn't want to burden him even more

Now he seems like his getting better which is great

I can't keep holding the pain in any longer

I feel like I'm going to explode any second...

First it was my girlfriend Athena, then my boyfriend Jonathon, and then my two best friend Mesh and Kathleen

My cousin Jason following soon after, along with my father and now my brother Ethan

They've all died and I don't think I can do this any longer.

Everyone i care about keeps dying, and it is becoming too much

I'm one unlucky motherfucker.

"You're crying" Ez said as he reached up with his hand and whipped my tear stained cheeks

"Why am I crying? I hate crying" I said as I angrily looked away feeling ashamed

"They say that a life well lived will have pain and darkness but you'll find someone who loves you despite it all" he said looking up at me

"No one loves me and I'm honestly done with it all... I don't even care" I said inhaling the toxic chemicals of my death stick

"I love you" he said sitting up and kissing my forehead

"And I love you Ez" I said kissing his cheek softly

Sometimes though, love isn't enough

Some people need more than love to keep going

Some of us need another reason to keep moving on