A Rock Star's Guide To Getting The Promdi (A Girl's Guidebook #1.5)

Tip No. 10 - Let Her Know How Really You Feel

I messed things up with Yumi last night. Again. Hindi ko alam kung bakit pagdating sa kanya, parang lagi na lang akong nagkakamali pero, to be honest, hindi lang ako ang dapat sisihin sa lahat so I really shouldn't be taking all the credit. Jasmine had a hand in it when she came to the studio uninvited and got all over me.

I couldn't really blame Yumi for being pissed and for leaving, naintindihan ko naman kung bakit ganoon ang naging reaction niya. I made a promise that I wouldn't let anyone else get close to me like that again pero may nangyari pa rin at nakita pa niya. Kung nagkabaliktad siguro ang sitwasyon and I saw someone getting frisky with her, magagalit din ako. Hell, hindi lang ako magagalit, baka makulong pa ako for beating the shit out of the guy who had the nerve to put their filthy hands on her.

Alam kong hindi justifiable ng kahit na anong reason ang hurt na nakita ko sa mga mata ni Yumi dahil sa akin pero, in my defense, I was still high on adrenaline na madalas kong nakukuha tuwing tumutugtog kami kaya I was caught off guard. Iniwan ko naman agad ang mga kabanda ko pati na rin si Jasmine para sana habulin siya, mag-apologize at mag-explain pero she attacked me with accusations and questions and she, basically, told me to define our relationship.

Dahil doon, sa pangalawang pagkakataon kagabi, I was caught off guard at natagalan bago ako naka-recover. I tried calling her at least a dozen times after that, kahit pa naging magulo bigla ang takbo ng utak ko dahil sa kanya, but she never answered her phone.

Hindi ako nakatulog nang maayos dahil sa kakaisip. I was slightly happy na gusto niyang magkaroon ng label ang kung ano man ang mayroon kami pero I was more freaked out than anything else. I knew I had feelings for her but I wasn't sure if I was ready to face the extent of it yet. I still have a lot shit to sort out and I can't just blindly jump in, head first, kahit pa mukhang gusto niya akong saluhin.

Kung totoo nga na I have already fallen in love with her, dapat tumakbo ako sa kabilang direction, palayo sa kanya, dahil hindi ko kailangan nito ngayon. That crazy shit called love is fucking scary, tiring and messy and, between the rehearsals, live performances and school, wala akong time and inclination para dito.

Things will be different once I fully commit myself to her and I don't want to subject myself to another round of heartaches. I have been burned before at, kahit pa parang iba siya kina Sam at Zoey, alam kong masasaktan lang ako ulit.

One way or another, sooner or later, she will hurt me. And, because it seemed like I feel intensely for her, much more than I have ever felt for anyone, hindi ko alam kung makaka-recover ba ako mula dito.

Pero, kahit naguguluhan ako, I still wanted to see her. I needed to. Pakiramdam ko, magiging malinaw ang lahat kapag nakita ko na siya ulit at hindi ko rin gusto na magkaroon ng misunderstanding sa pagitan naming dalawa kaya naman binalak kong kausapin siya kinabukasan.

The professor was absent pero hindi ko siya malapitan dahil pinalibutan na naman ako ng ilang mga babae at dahil tinitingnan ako nang masama ni Kat. It sucks na hindi na boto sa akin ang kaibigan niya dahil sa nangyari pero what really blows ay ang itsura ni Yumi pagkakita ko sa kanya bago sila lumabas ni Kat ng classroom para, I assumed, makalayo sa akin.

She was still gorgeous as fuck, of course, pero namamaga ang mga mata niya. It was if she cried herself to sleep.

The thought of her crying because of something I did or failed to do made me feel like I'm being stabbed in the chest. I couldn't bring myself to approach her. I finally found the courage to do so after a while kaya lumabas na ako para sundan siya at nagulat na lang ako sa narinig at nakita nang narating ko na ang hallway.

She was laughing, a blush coloring her cheeks. She was so beautiful and her laugh was still the most amazing sound I have ever heard pero nanginig na lang ako sa galit dahil sa tatlong jackasses na nagpapatawa sa kanya.