Tour without me || Dan and Phil

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•Phil's POV•

Well, today is the start of the TATINOF tour through out the UK. I don't even know what's going to happen. What I do know is that all of the tickets in each city are all sold out and Dan will be doing this alone. I'm really proud that Dan hasn't canceled this tour and is still going to meet up with everyone, but at the same time it hurts knowing that we both planned this together and we both were more than excited to do this and now only half of us will get to experience it. I sigh as I sit down on the couch in this crummy hotel room. I literally hate living here. It's not as loving and happy feeling like it is back at Dans and I apartment. I guess because off all the small nicknacks and books and random items that we have placed through out our apartment, we made it more welcoming and into our home. It's Dan and mines home that we have built together for so many years and it's a place where I can relax and feel safe. I miss my home. I actually went back at 4 in the morning a couple of days ago to grab some clothes, my laptop, my chargers, my toothbrush, and lion. I wanted to stay but I was nervous that Dan would wake up and get angry at me or something so I left. I want to go back so badly but I can't get myself to. Dan is pretty stubborned so there's no way he is going to forgive first and considering I'm waiting for him to apologize for the things he said I don't think we will make up any time soon. Which is really sad because I really miss him and I want to experience the tour with him but it looks like that's not going to happen. I don't even think he wants to considering he had no care for when he told me that he's better then me and that I'm holding him back. That's the one thing that won't leave my mind. How Dan said that I'm holding him back and if I wasn't in his life he would be much more successful. It just has left a hole in my heart and I don't even know if Dan remembers saying that but I can remember it clearly. It's kind of weird how there are moments in your life you can completely forget yet someone can remember everything in detail. It's kind of scary if you think about it.

Dan and I haven't verbally spoken to each other since that day we had the fight. He have texted but it's been a couple of days since one of us have messaged the other. I think the last text I sent said Goodbye Daniel which makes me really sad when I think about it. I haven't been on any social media either because that's what made me upset in the first place so I have avoided YouTube, Tumblr, Instagram and Twitter. Every now and then I will get a notification from Twitter saying Dan has tweeted. I always get my hopes up but then get them crushed thinking Dan would have tweeted something about saying how he misses me or hopes to see me there, but it never happens. I honestly really hate how negative I'm being about all of this because I am usually the one to look on the bright side and focus on the good instead of the bad but I don't even know why it's just hard for me to see the good right now. Especially when all I can think about is if any of our fans would care or even notice my absence at the tour. I don't even think Dan cares.

•Dans POV•

I finish packing everything I'm going to bring for the Tour. I will be coming back here pretty soon but I still want to have everything I for sure need since I'll be stuck in a car and hotels for a while. I swing a backpack over my shoulder as I grab a hold of my suitcase. I walk out of my room and close the door behind me. I turn back and freeze as I stare at the door that leads into Phil's room. I haven't seen Phil since we had that fight and haven't heard anything about him since he told me he isn't going on the tour anymore. I swallow hard as I reach over and place my hand on his door knob. I slowly turn it and open his door. I walk in, the familiar sent of him hitting me as I walk over into the middle of his room. I look around as I suddenly felt this burning guilt form in my stomach. For the past couple of days Ive been searching through Tumblr and Twitter and even Instagram and I'm so frustrated because I have been noticing a lot of hate directed towards Phil and it makes me feel sick thinking back to the things I said to him. I even said he was holding me back and without him Id be more successful. He was hurting from all the hate and I made it worse by agreeing  to it. I feel like an ass and I honestly miss him so much. I miss waking up to the smell of pancakes and coffee and hearing him humming to some tune. I miss us eating together in the morning while watching anime. I miss hearing his bubbly voice ringing through our apartment. I miss his random stories of encounters he's had with strangers. I miss his black hair that makes his skin paler and looks like he would be cold if you touched him when in reality he's very warm and smooth. I miss his heart warming personality and positive mind that has been drained from all the hateful comments. I miss him and our friendship we have created. I want him to be on this tour. I want him to be there right by my side. I want to see the smiles from the fans when they go up to hug him. I want him to be there right by my side so that when we walk off stage I can grab his hand and smile down at him and thank him for bringing me this far. He is my best friend. My companion. I want him to experience this tour with me because he deserve it just as much as me, but it's too late since I'm about to leave and I have no idea where Phil is or what he has been up too. I sigh as I exit his room and walk down the hallway. I hope he is alright.