You wish you knew me now (editing)

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

My heart clenched with distress as realisation hit me. I was absent from their lives for so long. I was a just a mere ghost haunting them. I felt guilty eating up at me realising they must have spent their lives worrying about me. Seven years was a pretty long time. Not only that but i missed 7 birthdays and missed Alina transforming into this beautiful little angel.

My eyes transfixed onto Alina who stood their with worry and sadness in her eyes. My heart was crying out to me with the emptiness of seven years of not knowing my daughter. I no longer had my little girl but a grown up beautiful daughter. Her curly locks were now waved down below her shoulder. They lightened and turned a honey blonde colour over the years. Her face was flawless her tanned skin, it darkened over the years i had been absent in her life. Her eyes were now seen to be emerald with golden specks in them. She dressed like a girly girl just like her mum.

I released myself from James embrace taking her appearance and the stance she stood in. It was excitement mixed with worry. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears, she looked sad.

Wiping away my tears I finally extended my arms which she ran in almost knocking me over, i giggled down at her. James moved closer but i stared at him to stop which he did. He knew i was still in pain but it was worth it.

Her body melted into mine her body trembling and then she let loose. She cried into my chest as i rocked her back and forth inhaling her scent. Her tears soaked my gown making me tear up. I hadn't realised how much it must have affected her. She was practically motherless at the most important time of her life. Her mother wasnt their to hold her, kiss her to sleep or chase away her nightmares.

She stared deeply into my eyes "don't leave me again" she sadly pleaded quietly.

"I wont baby girl" i soothed her again as she hugged me tightly like she would lose me again. My grip on her tightened on her i cupped her face into my hands kissing her forehead softly.

"So how has life been?" I tried to break the silence only making it awkward when James stared at me.

"Dad tried to make me play football mummy" her face scrunched with disgust making James chuckle at the memory. I frowned realising I couldn't share those memory's. they must have lots of memory's to share with me i smile. I'd love to see how good of a dad he had been. I stopped staring at James did she just call him dad. My eyes teared up but this time it was because I was happy.

James didn't see it as a good thing and was confused by my sudden tears "dad" i whispered to him. Realisation hit him.

"Alina will you get me and your mum few snacks. " he said. He gave her 50 dollars making my eyes go wide. "Go wild" he told her making her giggle running out the door but not before kissing me and smiling widely with excitement.

James came and sat beside me. I grabbed his hands feeling my heart go wild. He entwined our hands, tightly holding onto it.

"How do you feel?" He aksed

"Other than feeling like im on fire im fine" i laughed. But he didnt find it amusing.

"Do you need a doctor?" He asked with concern, he stood up but i pulled him back. He took the answer as a no and sat back down.

"Do you remember anything?" He asked. I honestly only remembered me waiting at the house for James to come back. That night he was fuming with anger. That was all i remembered. I shook my head, I wasn't aware of what caused me to be in coma. He stared at me brushing away the hair that fell over my eyes. "Its better that way" he muttered. I looked at him with confusion.

"What do you mean?" He sighed rubbing small circles at the back of my hands soothing me. Their was a ling pause before he sighed.

"You was crushed between to cars. You were not only hit by one but two, you took a huge impact to the ground when you were thrown. Your body was battered and you was bruised for a long time. Your body was in shock. You were fighting but not hard enough. You almost gave up"he whispered, his hands tightening around mines. I could tell their was more to this story. I could feel it, he was keeping something from me. "For months you battled and the doctors were ready to pull the plug" he choked with distress. "But i wouldn't let them i couldn't lose another person i love". I leaned into his shoulder.