The Rift

Chapter 20

I opened my eyes. I was lying flat on my back, a bright, shining light on my face. It was so bright here, it was painful. Everything seemed white, and I squinted, my eyes stinging. I sat up, wondering what this dream was, and looked around.

An ear-splitting scream escaped my lips, and I clapped my hands over my mouth, standing up in complete panic. I backed up several steps, trying to distance myself from what sat, strong and upright, in the ground ahead of me.

A door. An intricately carved wooden door, with hummingbirds and flowers. Looking innocent and peaceful, in the barren, bright landscape.  Two, heavy handles, sat above a picture of a golden sun. The door that cast no shadow.

It was the door that started it all.

It terrified me now, sitting peacefully in the middle of the empty, reflective landscape. I knew what it meant, what world it led to. And it chilled me to the bone. I shouldn’t have come back here. I was better! I was! I was happier, and brighter, and I wasn’t even cutting myself anymore. I was writing too! So many stories. So I shouldn’t have come back to this door.

What if there was just something inherently wrong with me? Was I meant die, waste away with depression until I was no more? Is that my only possible future? Would I come back here, even when I was happy? Because I knew in my heart I wasn’t completely happy, even now.

That couldn’t be why I was here. I wouldn’t believe it. I wouldn’t go through that again. I was better. There had to be another reason. So I sat back down on the warm, bright ground and started to think, my head resting on my hand, my legs crossed, the door looming in front of me.

Why wasn’t I happy? That was the million dollar question. I didn’t have an answer to it. Was there something wrong in my minds that prevented me from being happy? But I had been happy as a little kid… That couldn’t be it. There were things that made me happy. Writing. That made me happy. It made me feel amazingly good, full and happy and proud and worthwhile. Writing was wonderful. Nick, he made me happy. Being around him made me happy. And my other friends, they made me happy. Sometimes. When they weren’t bugging the carp out of me. But it was normally in a good way.

Faith. She had made me happy. She had been the only reason I survived the Rift. She was always on my mind. It still hurt me that I hadn’t said goodbye. I owed her so much. She made made me happy, even when she annoyed me.

Then I was on my feet. Faith. She was behind that door. Waiting. Alone, abandoned, and probably really sad. I had been all she had had left, and I had left her all alone. Of course she was sad. And right behind that door. I could see her. I could see her smile and hear her laugh and be with her. If I stepped through the door.

If I did, would I ever come out? Would I be stuck in there again, depressed, with the threat of death over my head? If I went through the door, would The Rift try to kill me right away? Send one of those beasts after me? But Faith was there. And she had done so much for me, ever since we met. And I had failed her, twice. Watching her die, running as she fell, allowing her death. Leaving her now, all alone, when I could have stayed. But she wanted me to go… and I don’t think she’d want me to come back now.

But I wanted to go back. I wanted to see her. No, I needed to see her. And I wanted to do something for me, not everybody else. I clutched the key with one of my hands, thinking. I slowly took a deep breath, filing my lungs, tensing my shoulders, closing my eyes. Then I relaxed, releasing all the tension.

I stepped forward, towards the door, unafraid. I was tired of being scared. It was time to be brave. With one, confident hand, I reached forward and touch the rough surface of the door. I straightened my back, hardened my resolve, and pushed the door open.