Advice To Myself(Not A Diary)

HELP

Im feeling so many emotions
I cant no more:'(
But I Can:|
To begin My Day has gone bad/good
My friends were so indecisive of me.
One minute we're going well next minute I am completely ignored by them. I don't understand
With one of my friends we talked and talked all morning but ignored me later and walked right past me as it was her I was waiting for, Did she  not see me? could be she hasn't messaged me.
Well my other friend... She suddenly became mad at me yesterday afternoon and gave no explanation so we didnt talk. Then today at school she completely ignored me. Then came time for orchestra class. U was in the middle if performing sheet music and she suddenly throws the sheet on the ground. Was it purposely? Or accident
At the end of class she decided to ask me if she looked good in her new glasses but hey, i ignored her. Now these are girls I called best friends. I have no Idea whats going on. Are they friends I should keep or leave?

  I feel like a bad influence on people. I feel it's my fault they do what I did.
I don't think I've wrote about my self harming. I had the habit of doing it. I was really going through a lot at the time so my depression went up and I was cutting line after line across my wrist. Not to sound weird I loved the feeling... Looking at the blood flow out was relieving.
The last time i did it was about 4 months ago. It was the worst... I was sent to Center stone sadly. That was my last time. Of course my best friends new about it. Just about a week ago one of my friends decided to cut, She was out of a relationship, heart broken and had parenting problems. I've had three friends that cut after me, and Of course I have the feeling of guilt, and It really hurts me, of course I know what it feels like to be so hurt to tear down your wrist.
  People think I don't understand. I've had so many problems that I've spoken to absolutely no one about, I've done some pretty bad things. This is just a lesson.
Like most people, I first experienced bullying In 6th grade. It was on my bus...Their were never any Seats so we had to Sit 3 to a seat. Nobody would ever let me sit down with them. I would walk down the aisles people laughing, calling names. People had actually put their hands on me, pushed me off seats. I would actually cry on the bus. It got so bad I would cry whenever I had to go to school, plead my mom to let me stay home. I eventually grew tired this year, now I am in 8th Grade.
I had a change. I actually cussed 2 girls out. Both bigger than me. I stepped on her leg because she was blocking my way in the aisle. Like bitch U don't scare me(sorry about the language) lol. I haven't been bullied ever since I learned to defend myself. Nobody scares me  I don't fear anyone. I don't care your size, age, grade etc. I will not tolerate any disrespect to myself. Best believe I will not let anyone get to me. In not mean or a bully. Im a nice person. The only time I will ever disrespect you is if you disrespect me or anyone I love.
  Lately my life changed. Im not depressed or suicidal anymore. I've been happy, and Im over self harm. My girly side has shown. Although I dress according to my mood. I love my life. I love dressing up, going out, shopping I'm just so happy lately. I'm praying my depression doesn't kick in.
  Don't care what people say
Defend yourself, Don't let anyone get to you or stab them.
Go out, be happy do what you want to do regardless others opinions.
Chose the right people, remember it's quality not quantity
And . . . It really does get better