IF I FALL - #Wattys2016

OUT OF WORDS | TOM

Ever since I first held that girl against me, she became my most powerful addiction. One that I knew I could never get over with.

I left on thousands miles away, tried to kill these feelings with many girls, playing around and pretending she never left her mark on me. Yet, as soon as I saw her beautiful smile again, I fell back again for that very same woman all over again.

She couldn't be anyone's. I wouldn't let her. She had to be mine. Because that was meant to be. I knew that now. And from the moment I realized she still felt the same about me, it became so obvious that even her couldn't deny it either.

I was supposed to wait. I was supposed to be patient. But waiting a few more days after a five year withdrawal seemed impossible after all. She was supposed to go home that day... But I did my best for her to stay with me until the morning after.

I mean, I have a lot to make it up for and I seriously wanted to prove her I was serious when I told her I would dedicate my whole time to make her forget about all the shit she had to go through because of me.

Was I too confident? Yeah, definitely. I was no longer the broke and hopeless brat she met. I had a loaded bank account, a situation and some plans for my future... Our future. So I naturally thought it could only go well from now on. I was gonna take care of her. I was decided to get her back like she had mine back then.

She went home that day, even if I begged her to stay a little more. I wanted the situation straightened up as soon as possible but I was still a little anxious at the idea the fucker could still touch her... I mean... No matter how convinced I was of her feelings, I still knew they shared something powerful together. Something I was completely estranged from. Something that happened because of me. And I realized I was fucking damnex jealous of their relationship.

Because he held her hand when I couldn't. Because she gave him her warmth when I let her down. Because he could see her at home and at work when I was thousands of miles away from her.

I knew I was the only one to blame. But all I could do was to catch up on these uncatchable years lost.

We were supposed to not see each other all weekend. She needed time to talk to him and reorganize her mind. I agreed and understood. It was fine by me as long as she was sure to run back to me when she sorted things out.

But on the Saturday night, here I was, walking home, suddenly craving to see her... Even I saw her the very same morning. So I texted her to know if she was available... I mean, it was worth a try right?

Somehow... She answered right away. And less than an hour after, she was on my door step, all pretty and smiling. It didn"t take long for me to attack her. Nah, she was just too cute. How could I just wait patiently?

No matter how many time I made love to that woman, every time felt like the first time. I knew her body by heart... What, where and how she liked it. Yet every time I felt like a kid playing with his brand new toy. It was crazy how crazy she could drive me under the sheets.

She ended up staying... Again... And then, on that beautiful sunny and warm Sunday morning, I thought it would have been a great idea to enjoy the nice weather in the park, like we used to.

It had been so many years, yet it felt exactly the same. I remembered the last time we went to take stroll in central park. That was the day I realized how deeply in love I was with her.

Why were the boring things always seemed fun with her? Why everything I thought I disliked, she made me love them? Why was she the only person who could make me feel that way? Why was she the only person on earth I was truly depending on? All these questions were already answered years ago... And I was still amazed to realize the answer was still the same now... I was in love with her... Still. Never stopped, in fact.