Just eat

Part 3- video

Dan's POV
It has been around a month since I had started my diet and I stuck to it well. I'd ate a lot healthier and less, I've done sit ups before bed and when I wake up and although I didn't expect it, I'm actually feeling better about myself. I remembered that I hadn't filmed in a while and realised that I should probably film something, I wanted to know if people noticed that I'm not getting fat anymore. I get my camera and carefully place it on the tripod. I give a big smile and get into my 'Dan Howell character' after a deep breath I'm ready to film. "Hello Internet! So, I haven't filmed in a while and I just thought I'd tell you about a few things going on in my life right now." I say making sure that a big fake smile never leaves my face. I continue on to talk about the radio show and a story snd how I completely embarrassed myself, I guess I really only made a video to check the comments.
In a few days I edited and uploaded my video making sure that every little bit of it was perfect. Once it was uploaded I had to leave my computer alone, now I had uploaded it I didn't want to see the comments, I didn't need the comments straight away anyway. I sat down with Phil and we watched a movie together. It felt perfect, like I didn't have a care in the world, like it was only Phil and I. The movie finished quicker than I wanted it to and Phil went to finish editing a gaming video. I sat alone in our living room and I felt like I had one choice... To read the comments to my new video. I slowly grabbed my MacBook from the arm of my sofa and turned it on. "It'll be okay, it'll be okay" I reassured, everything is going to be okay. My newest video opened up and I scrolled down to the comments, already there there were hundreds. To my surprise there were actually some nice comments but no surprise to me there were the negative comments
"Wow you're fat"
"I'm worried for you, you need to start a diet"
"Being fat doesn't suit you "
"How can anyone film themselves while being so fat?"

I couldn't focus on the positive comments, it's the negative ones that are staring at me but that's how the brain works isn't it? As soon as you get negative you push away the positives.
Was the diet working? Am I just kidding myself? I looked down at myself and I had finally realised that no, the diet wasn't working. If anything I look bigger than when I started, how was this happening? I was eating a healthy amount of food. I made sure I did some sort of exercise every night before bed and when I woke up. After the shock of the realisation of my failed diet and dark thoughts swirling around in my head  I tiptoed towards my full body mirror, I was huge. Since when have I been so fat?  Why have none of my friends said anything to me? Maybe my diet wasn't working because my body was telling me to stop eating all together. Yeah, I'll just stop eating. Of course I'll have to hide it from Phil though. Everything will be fine when I stop eating, the fat will just drop right off.