||My Invisible Wound||

||Falling into the Light||

     c h a p t e r | e i g h t e e n

      My eyes landed on Elyes, who was fast asleep on my futon. He wanted to stay with me, to keep me company, and I thought it would be okay. But I didn't know how hard it was going to be to leave him. I thought he deserved an actual goodbye, but I knew that if I woke him, he wouldn't let me go. He would have done anything in his power to make me stay, to make me know that it wasn't an option.

      But I had to do it.

      I swallowed; it went down hard as my throat tightened. The pain was agonizing like I had to drink water to open it up again. But I knew that water wouldn't help. It was like that because my body was trying to tell me to stay in the room. To not leave. But I knew that I couldn't.

      It wasn't an option, though everyone said that it was. But I was stuck in a narrow, black room, and the longer I stayed there, the longer it sucked out the oxygen in my lungs. The longer I stayed, the more of a chance I would die anyway. I was dying—just slowly, and it was excruciating.

      I turned back to the computer and wrote the rest of the short story for Jake. I then sent it to his email.

      As my body turned once more and my eyes stayed in contact with his sleeping, relaxed body, a tear dwindled down my face.

       He was like an angel from heaven, a guardian. Beautiful.

      But I was destroying him, and everything around me. It was like I was a demon, a deadly sin. And no matter how hard I tried to fight my way out of Hell, the Devil's hands would continue to grasp me in his palms and drag me down into the fiery pits of the Underworld.

      "I'm sorry," I said under my breath.

      I stood, slowly making my way toward him. I gently reached into his pocket and grabbed out his car keys, grasping them tightly in my hands, making sure they didn't jingle to wake him up. After opening the window, I went out into the cold, closing the window gently so he didn't wake up from the frigid weather.

      Making my way to his car, I unlocked it, got in, and put the key into the ignition.

      But I paused.

      I stared at the steering wheel for a moment, fighting over what I should do or what I shouldn't do. Did I want to do this? Was it really the only option I had? My heart was telling me no, but my brain was telling me to leave. I couldn't choose which one to listen to, which one to follow.

      With that, I turned the key and the engine started.

                                                                              :c:

My foot slightly pressed on the brake, allowing the car to come to a full, complete stop. I left the keys in the ignition, but turned off the engine. When I got out of the car, I made my way to the end of the forest, where the cliffs were.

      It was a ten minute walk to the edge, which was a downside since I only wanted to do end it all quickly. But apparently, I was dragging it out.

      I reached the last bunch of trees, and I stood there at the edge of the rocks, just looking out to the ocean. I didn't know why I continued to do so, because I didn't want it to drag out. Why did I stop? I couldn't I just fall and get this over with?

      "Alysha!" a scream echoed. I didn't bother with who it was coming from. In fact, I felt like I was frozen in place, and the energy I had left in me was all gone.