My lips smile but my soul cries blood

My lips smile but my soul crys blood

Dedicated:

To Wattpad for making me enjoy reading more and inspiering me to write. And to KamiLiz for being so awesome and making the book cover for me!

COPYRIGHT: This story, "My lips smile but my soul cries blood" (*title subject to change) including all chapters, prologues/epilogues and associated content (i.e fanfics, teasers and content with blogs, social networks and eReaders) is copyrighted under the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1998. All rights are reserved by the owner and creator of this work (Therese Wendel aka Tessie98) and any unautherised copying, broadcasting, manipulation, distribution or Selling of this work constitues as an infringement of copying. Any infringement of this copying is punishable by law.




Chapter 1: My lips smile but my soul cries blood



You know that felling when...you just feel alone but your surrounded by people?

You know that felling when...you feel like you're worthless, and when you tell anyone they pause before they lie and say;"you're not worthless, you're amazing."?

You know that feeling when...all the light gets pulled out of this world and gets replaced with darkness. And you just stand there and let it happen?

You know that feeling...of being numb, and you just ask yourself;"why the hell am I here?"?

Well... I've always had that feeling. That feeling of not being good enough for anyone. That feeling of being alone in the world. That feeling of being numb. That feeling of being nothing.

~~

The loud noise from the cars training out side the buss on the track woke me up from my dreamless sleep. My lips trembled into a smile as I could see my dads face in my head, that smile that showed true happiness as he drove the best race car on the track. Dad was always happiest on the track or at the farm with us, his family and with our friends that had become family over the years. My thought flew back to yesterday, dad got the custody papers and i didn't see him lose that smile. After 6 long years he finally got custody of us.

"Enthea. What time is it?" She wiggled her tiny body in my arms and pulled the covers higher up her body. She looked so fragile in my arms, her long, wavy red/borwn hair all tangled up. That girl meant more to me then anything and she has only been wandering this world for 7 years. She turned her head and looked up at me, rubbing her eyes cutely. I reached over and grabed my IPhone 5 and took a look at the time.

"It's 8 in the morning, babygirl." I used my fingers to brush out her hair the best i could. The sun peeking in through the curtain making her hair shine in the most beautiful of ways. Svinging my legs out of the bunk I landed on the floor of the buss, turning my back to my beloved sister letting her settle on my back. A small chuckle escaped my mouth when I felt her grab her blanket and cuddling closer to me.

I walked through the buss to the door, bumping my foot against one if the couch on my way through the couch erea. The sun was shining even if it was early in the morning, the quiet sound of the happy birds hit my ear as I got out of the bus. The sun wormed my skin, it was the amazing feeling of summer. The sound of the cars driving on the track was not that loud here by our mechanic garage cause it wasn't an open space like the bus parking. There were trees between the track and the mechanic garage.

''Daddy's on the track.'' I giggled a little as she stated the obvious.

I walked into ''The Mechanic House'' as I used to call it as a kid and now Mackenzie does too. It's where we have the cars and we fix them if they need to be fixed. I guess it's just a big garage but whatever. It also has a room that I used and still do call ''The Lazy Room'', with couches all over it, a table and a few chairs and a little kitchen erea with a counter that had some barstools on one side of it. I guess it's a lunch/break room.

You can't blame me for the names I gave to rooms and different places here, I mean I was like 4-6 years old when I made them up so don't judge me. This was one of the two places I was actually happy, here and on the farm. Everyone here on dads race track, yeah my dad owns this track, knew the hell I ''went'' through all those year in hell. Then when I lost Angel my life just...

''Buuuuh!''

''Aaaaahhh!'' I couldn't help but scream out as someone grabbed my shoulder and screamed in my ear. That voice was awfully familiar, I could only think of one person.

''Jesus Crist, Joey! Are you trying to give me a heart attack!?''

The laugh of my best friend and sister echoed in the lazy room and Mackenzie's laughter just got louder as I dropped her on one of the couches.

''You should've seen you're face! It was priceless! Wasn't it, Kenzie?'' Joey gave her a high five and plopped down on the couch beside her as I went behind the counter and started the oven.

''It was soooo funny!'' Mackenzie was no holding her stomach as she rolled around, still laughing her ass of.

''Hahaha very funny.'' Joey just waved away the sarcasm in my voice and settled on one of the barstools.

I started with the breakfast and a minute later I heard tiny footsteps behind me and then I felt small arms around my right thigh.

''Mmm...I smell eggs and bacon.'' I giggled as I saw Kenzies face break into a breathtaking smile.

She pulled her arms to her sides as I took the pans and put the eggs and bacon on the plates that Joey had set up. Mackenzie jumped up on the barstool next to Joey.

''Dig in!'' I said and took an egg and a few pieces of bacon. I took the knife and cut the yellow part of the egg out and put it on Kenzies plate. I put another egg and put it on her plate too, with some bacon while Joey helped himself.

''What's on the schedule today, my ladies?'' Joey was almost shoving his eggs down his throat. The disgusted glares he got from me and Mackenzie made him look confused.

''What?'' Looking as confused as ever, I started laughing my as of as Kenzie slapped him in the back of his head, with that tiny force he didn't even flinch.

''Stop eating like that! It's disgusting!'' she complained as she took a small bite of her bacon.



Dear Diary

The sun, hitting my skin but how come that I can't feel the warmth? The sun, shining so bright but how come that I only see darkness? The birds, singing but how come that I can not hear them? The heart, beating but how come that I feel dead?

Hot and Cold. Cut and Not Cut. Light and Dark. Happynes and Sadness. Good and Evil. Life and Death.

It's all the same right? Or am I the only one that doesn't see the difference?

Love Enthea Lahey



Putting the black leather covered book back in my bag, tying the blue band around it. My secrets, my thoughts, my soul, my heart, my lies, my truths, all gathered in one place sealed with a simple knot by two pieces of thread.

After breakfast Joey went to fix his car cause it broke down again and Kenzie went to help him.
Me?
I'm sitting under one of the trees before the woods get deeper behind The Mechanic House. Having a little time to myself. But I wasn't alone. Someone was with me.

The voice, always there, reminding me about the worst.



**********************************************************************************************************************

Hey everyone!
This is my new story and I hope you all will like it!

For this story I'm using some of the names that I'm using in my Max story. It's totally different people but some characters have the same first name as some characters in my other story. So don't imagine them looking the same cause they don't.
I just wanted to make that clear.

Sorry for misspellings but english isn't my first language:-/

Like it? Love it? Hate it? Comment and tell me what you think and vote if you like/love it!

Much Love / Tessy