My lips smile but my soul cries blood

Chapter 2

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Stephen King wrote:

''Monsters are real. And ghosts are real too. They live inside us. And sometimes....They win.''

I never knew what he meant until now. The monsters, the ghosts, hunting us from within. Hunting us from our past, our present, our future. Hunting us, tormenting us, tearing us down.

Until there's nothing left.

Chapter 2

Dear Diary

The darkness, slowly pulling me in.

Takes everything that I am and turns it into millions of glass splinters.

A consuming wave of numbness pulls me down under the surface.

Every time it pulls me I get more tempted to let it.

Tempted to stop fighting for the light.

Be pulled by the darkness and just let it happen.

No one would noitce if I drowned in darkness anyways.

And no one would care either.

They don't see through the fake act, and they don't want to try either.

The voice, slowly and painfully nagging in my head.

Trying to break me, trying to tear me down.

Telling me the horrible, telling me the truth.

Telling me;'' they are better of without you''

Me sitting here.

Believing it's true.

Love Enthea

~~

The hard cold floor against my naked skin. Cold air running along my body and makes me shiver.

My mind didn't catch up with what my body was doing, all of a sudden my body had its own mind and brought me here without me realizing. 30 minutes later I found myself in my house, in my bathroom...

Just sitting here, staring at this piece of metal that is held between my fingers. This devil in its one of many shapes or is it this devil in its truly shape?

I think it's whispering my name.

'Enthea...Enthea...Do it! Do it now! No one cares! Hide your fears! And show me your tears!'

Believing what the voice say, hot tears runs down my cheek.

'Cut cut cut just one more then you'll be free'

''But the dark is still in me''

'Cut cut cut they won't know'

''No no no please go''

'Cut cut cut and of you go'

''Please please please why do this to me''

'Cut cut cut cause thats what you deserve'

''Please please please go away''

'Cut cut cut and of to hell and there you'll stay'

Pain. Flying through my wrist, up my arm, out in my body.

Pain at its best.

When you deserve it.

Pain at its worst is when you don't deserve it.

'Ha! Who are you trying to fool!?'

''Nobody.''

'You always deserve this pain! You deserve even more! And you wanna know the fun part?! No one cares!'

More pain. More shame. More scars. More blood.

The words echoing in my head, flying around freely. A pounding pain forming in the back of my head.

Scarlet blood. Slipping out of my veins and onto my skin only to travel down to the cold floor.

Urge.

I had to do it again. And again and again and again and again. I couldn't stop.
More blood poured from my veins. It felt so good in the moment but I knew I'll regret I late if anyone sees the sarcasm that remains.

But, who am I trying to fool. No one would care, no one cares. I'm alone and that's how I'll die, why not just let it happen now rather then later.

'Do it! Do it! Kill yourself your fat, ugly whore! No one want so! Everyone hates you! Do it! Kill yourself!'

Deeper. I got to cut deeper. They're better of without me.

But what about Mackenzie? I can't leave her here all alone. I can't put her through this, I can't leave her.

'Yes you can! She's better of without you in her life!'

Closing my eyes, I cut deeper. I couldn't handle it anymore.

I'm sorry.

Rising the blade, putting it against my scared, bleeding skin.

''Enthea! Where are you? Can you come outside and play with me, please?''

How did she get here? The track is like 30 minutes away by car if there weren't much traffic and she couldn't had walked all the way over here by herself.

Shit! I paniked and flew up from the floor. My heart pounding in my ears.

"I'm on my way into the shower, babygirl! I'll be out in a few minutes, okay?" I called out throught the door as I turned the shower on.

"Yay! Thanks!" I could hear her giggle jump up on my bed.

Quickly I took of my colths and jumped in the shower. The hot water burning my freach cuts. They had stoped bleeding, what a shame.

"How did you get here?" I asked her as i got out of the shower and wrapped a towle around my body.

"Joey dropped me of. He was going in to town to meet someone and get something for his car and I didnt want to go with him."

I bandaged my cuts as fast as I could, hopeing she wasn't suspicious. I took my longsleeved sweatshirt and a pair of ripped jeans. Making sure I had wiped away all the blood on my way out of the bathroom.

Kenzie was sitting on my bed, indianastyle, useing my IPad. By the way she was lughing I guess she was watching the videos I had made a few days ago of Luke when he was drunk. Luke had gone to a club and gotten so wasted he could barely stand so Joey had taken him to my Place, lucky me to take care of a drunkie at 3 in the morning. He had no idea of what he was doing so i filmed him just ti tease him about it now. It had gotten to the point were he was talking to the painting of a girl that was haning on my wall, he was telling her all about his feelings for chocolate ice cream and strawberries. Once I had gotten him to bed he had fallen asleep within seconds. The day after he had the worst hangover and it didn't help him that Kenzie was teasing him about it, but it was funny for us.

"Luke is so funny!" She laughed and hugged her stomach as she fell backwards.

"So what do you wanna do sweetheart?" I laid back on my bed next to her and looked at the celing.

"Hmm.." She thought for a momen Before jumping out of bed and ran out of the room. "I want to watch movies!" she screamed as she ran down the stairs, through my house down to my basement.

Chuckeling I ran after her, knowing exactly where she was going. I caught up with her in the staires down to my basement. Yes, my house was a three-story house.

Running through the lounge I caught her in my arms in the movie theater I had in mt basement.

"I want to watch The Lion King!" She giggles and ran to our masive movie colection.

As she looked for the film at the Disney shelf I took some popcorn from the popcorn mashine and grabbed some blankets to make it cozy. The movie theater was kind of big, there were 15 big armchairs then there was alot of pillows on the floor so you can lay there too. In the celing hangs a projector, so when we're gonna watch a movie or a serie we just put the dvd in the projector console on the floor next to the popcorn mashine or we use nexfix.

"I found it!" Kenzie yelled in victory as she put it in the console.

I sat in one of the armchairs and but the popcorn on the armrest. Kenzie crawled up in my lap and made herself comfortable, I covered us both with the blanket

It was amazing how mesmerized a little girl can get by this movie. Kenzie had her eyes on the movie all the time and didn't say anything, she barley moved unless she was getting some popcorn. She had always loved this movie but what can I say, this movie is amazing.

Cuddling her closer to me as we sank deeper into the armchair.

'Well you do that as long as you can. You're gonna leave her and she'll be all alone!'

''No! I wouldn't do that! she needs me!''

'No she's better of without her.'

''Enthea? you're hugging me to tight.''

My arms had tightened around her fragile body has it had talked to me.
Letting my arms soften around her but still holding her cuddled up to me.

''Sorry, pretty girl.''

She didn't answer, she was to mesmerized by the movie again. She looked so innocent, this precious fragile piece of happiness and love. No evil could harm this precious soul cause cause she knew no evil or its existence. I give you my word that she will know none.

People walking by me, walking by each other, not knowing the evil one and another has came across and won or lost against.
But when they see it they are to quick to judge.

So...

Evil.

Yes. Evil.

It exists in this world. It exists in many different shapes. In this world there are two types of people; the ones that knows evil and the ones that don't. Either you really know evil or you don't know it at all, there is nothing in between.

I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure Mackenzie stays one of those people that don't know evil at all.


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