Because of a Girl Like Me

Chapter 15

I woke up still feeling exhausted and checked the time to see that it was already 11:30.

I tried to shove down the pathetic feeling that hit my chest when I saw that I had no missed calls or new messages.

I really had expected Declan to at the very least have sent me a text to explain himself. I was just really starting to wonder if this whole thing between us was one sided. Maybe I'd just imagined he and I had had this crazy connection. I can't believe I let myself get so caught up in him.

Sean had arrived minutes after I had texted him last night. The moment I had seen him I felt a calmness pass through me. Sean was so familiar...safe.

He had been wearing his worn out football t-shirt and his flannel pants he liked to wear around the house. The rain had gotten him a little. Fat drops were falling from his tousled hair and his shoulders were speckled with wet spots.

He had been very cautious as he came in and brought me into one of his warm hugs.

"Sean." I whispered his name into his chest weakly. "I'm so sorry about everything." A sob began to shake through my body.

Sean pulled me away from him, holding me by the shoulders so that I could see his face. "Si," he said softly his eyes warm and caring. "It's ok darlin, please don't cry." He moved his hands to my face and rubbed away all my tears quickly. "You're too cute to mess up your face like this, what's wrong?"

In a pathetic moment of weakness I lifted my face to his and kissed him gently on the lips. He didn't hesitate to kiss me back. His lips were warm and gentle on mine. Even in this moment I was disappointed when our lips had touched that there had been no spark. Kissing Sean was nothing like kissing Declan. I hated myself for even doing it. "Sean?" I said pulling away. "Can you please just hold me tonight?" It was selfish and cruel but I needed someone, and he was here.

Beyond my belief he had knelt down and lifted me off of the ground. Holding me against his chest he carried me to my room, pulled back the covers and climbed into bed with me. Sean lifted the cover up over us and I wrapped around him as I always had when we slept together.

I couldn't hold back anything. I cried into his chest and told him everything that had just happened with Declan. Sean listened to every word and let me get everything out that I needed to. I knew how bad it was to be talking to him about this but he just laid with me and let me talk on anyway.

After I had run out of tears and my body felt completely worn out Sean finally spoke.

"Si, I don't know what could have happened that would make any guy walk away from you. What I do know is that you are the most special person I have ever known. You aren't just fucking beautiful but you are smart, and caring, and any man on this planet who can't recognize that, or takes those facts for granted is not a guy who deserves for you to cry over them. You can't let someone change you, or make you insecure. That's not who you are."

I'd fallen asleep playing his words in my head over and over.

+++

Now as I sat up I noticed Sean wasn't in the bed with me anymore.

Practically on que he called from the living room. "Sienna! You might want to come see this."

As I left my room I could already hear that the news was on the TV.

You've got to be kidding me!!

My senior pictures were up on the screen.

The reporter was talking about my incident yesterday and telling people that I had given a positive I.D. that the man who had been watching me was the same man that was seen weeks earlier on the Walmart surveillance footage.

"19 Year old resident of Stoneacre, Sienna Matthews, narrowly escaped becoming the next victim in the mysterious disappearances that have been plaguing our wholesome town since February. There have been 4 missing girls reported over the last four months and now it looks like he may be looking for his next conquest..."

I couldn't listen to that crap anymore. I had not narrowly escaped. The guy wasn't even near me. Wasn't that like false reporting or something?

Sean was sitting on the couch in different clothes than he had on last night. He must have gone by his house at some point.

I had wondered if he was still going to be here when I woke up or if he would let himself out.

"I told you the people on here just pull stuff out of their asses to make every situation as dramatic as possible." Sean reminded me.

"I was just thinking that." I agreed with him.

Sean stood and headed for the door.

"Well I need to head to work. I took half a day but I have got to be there soon." He said. "I'm gonna keep my phone on in case you need me or something." He kept his eyes anywhere but on me as he spoke. "Bye Si." He said over his shoulder and with that he was out the door.

That was kind of weird. He didn't even give me a chance to thank him for last night, or really even say bye back before he was out of here. I guess he really could just have been in a hurry to get to work, but Sean hasn't ever left without hugging me or something. That was just something he always did.

Guilt over texting him to come over last night hit me again.

I still can't believe I actually did. Not only did I call him to come to my rescue, even though I had no business doing so, but I'd told him intimate things about me and Declan.

I was mentally kicking myself now. I don't know what in me thought that was a good idea. I had probably only made things even more weird.

I don't know, maybe I am just over analyzing everything these days. I have really got to get out of my own head.

Really now that I was thinking about it, maybe I had even blown last night way out of proportion. Maybe Declan really did have something very important, or bad happen and I acted like a spoiled bitch.

God, I am just second guessing every single one of my actions from the last few weeks now.

I need a major change of pace. Maybe some 'me' time would help me clear my head. I have had someone around so much lately that I haven't really had any time to just sit and think, and I am the type of person who really needs that. I start to get stupid when I don't.

I decided that today is going to be the 'me' day I need. I've already slept through the first half, but oh well.

I called my salon and got an appointment for my hair and my nails.

Being pampered would do me good and I've been meaning to do it for a while anyway.

I took a speedy shower and got ready to go, all the while I was practically chanting to myself.

"Today will be a good day."

Of course I had been wrong.