THE FUNERAL PLANNER

Chapter 12 Part 1 Finale: Playing Maddy's Results - The Pièce de Résistance

Chapter 12 Part 1

Six a.m. the next morning. In the predawn darkness, Sid and I jog to the corner newsstand. I purchase a Financial Street Journal and aim my flashlight pen at the front page. The cen­ter headline reads, “Mortuary Empire Topples-in-a-Box: Derek Rogers’s art of the scandal unravels into view,” by George Toffler.

Toffler’s lengthy exposé reveals the scandal behind Derek’s entire career, concluding with the plagiarism of the business plans developed “by Ms. Madison Banks for Artists Interna­tional and Lights Out Enterprises, which Mr. Rogers turned into Palette Enterprises (PE) and Tribute in a Box (TIAB).”

In addition, Toffler includes “Mr. Rogers’s crime of steal­ing Ms. Banks’s and Mr. Wright’s $2.99 online Pamphlet for Grief Wellness & Creating the Personalized Tribute and turning it into The Heartache Handbook for Tributes in a Box for an ad­vance of $500,000 from Agam Publishing in a first-run distribution deal of 75,000 books that had to be pulled in the eleventh hour when Vertihore Media’s legal chief, Mr. San­ford Aidelman, was confronted by Ms. Banks on the issue, at which time Ms. Banks easily proved ownership of her in­tellectual property.”

Toffler goes on to reveal how “Mr. Rogers’s leadership of PE leaves the company in financial shambles, exposing not only lavish bonuses paid to himself and his consultant, Mr. Jonny Bright, but mismanagement of funds, embezzlement and bribes committed with analysts to increase stock value.”

A great deal more is said of Mr. Rogers’s graft with Wash­ington lobbyists and committee members who received TIAB stock in return for making Mr. Rogers the czar of his own accreditation program inside the new Funeral Rule. And that “his lack of compliance with regard to pre-need arrangements and investments in the funeral industry makes him subject to a potential shareholder’s derivative case plus major fines with both PE and TIAB. Under the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002, Mr. Rogers must certify company state­ments as accurate under a threat of perjury subject to criminal penalties of up to twenty years in prison, and in­vestigators intend to prove ‘guilty knowledge’ and ‘intent’ on Mr. Rogers’s part to swindle shareholders and stake­holders.” Toffler makes it clear that this story is not an indictment of the funeral industry, but one crooked white-collar criminal.

The pièce de résistance appears when Toffler concludes, “Ms. Madison Banks is the unsung heroine, and victim of a number of Mr. Rogers’s endeavors that under her steward­ship might have provided quite a different outcome. How different, we’ll find out in the next installment: ‘Jackson, MI— Mecca for Personalized Tributes.’”

I do a double take, surprised by the length of the story and its cliffhanger.

Seven-thirty a.m. Showered and comfortably dressed, I pace the deck of Uncle Sam’s house overlooking Clark Lake. On this day, I wear a headset to keep my hands and arms free for battle. Siddhartha stays close to me, anticipating the ac­tion to come.

I roll up my sleeve, look at my watch; it’s now 7:35 a.m. eastern standard time. I dial a number. “Get ready, Sid. It’s show time.”

I hum the theme song for Mission: Impossible until an an­swering machine comes on. “You’ve reached Tribute in a Box Corporation. For Derek Rogers, press one. For Jonny Bright, press two—” I hit one. “This is Derek Rogers, please leave a message.”

“Hello, Derek. Madison Banks here. Just want you to know that I’m going after your expansion plan. May the best entrepreneur win...and by the way, if you’re interested in selling, say, matching your previous offer to me...you know where to find me. Have a good day.”

I leave a similar announcement for Jonny Bright, adding that unlike him with his style of subterfuge, I prefer to be upfront.

I continue to pace the deck, then speed-dial a number, leaving the message, “I’m good to go.” I hit End, and then punch several more numbers, playing the buttons on the phone like rounds of artillery.

I lay my blueprint of names and numbers on the table and place rocks on the top corners to stabilize it. Beside the blueprint are a standard tape recorder and two brown paper bags. I start pressing corporate office numbers of funeral homes and the extensions of their leaders. As soon as I get voice mail, I launch the tape recorder. “This is Madison Banks, CEO of Lights Out Enterprises. I’m interested in dis­cussing mutually favorable co-ownership and co-revenue sharing opportunities with your organization. If you’re in­terested, please call...”

I do this ten times, then I look at my watch: 8:45 a.m. I hit another button to leave yet another message. “Phase One complete. Check in from the field.”

I pick up the two brown paper bags and the tape recorder and then leap into the car with Sid. I drive to a cemetery in Ann Arbor and purposefully walk over to the grave of my cousin Smitty. I hold up my flashlight pen, remove a bottle from one of the brown bags and gently set it next to Smitty’s gravestone while reciting the kaddish. The label reads “Ever­lasting Cologne for Men.” It was Smitty’s trademark. “Here’s to you, Smitty,” I say. “The coolest cousin I ever had.”

I walk over to another grave. It’s Tara Pintock’s. Sid walks beside me. I remove the second bottle from the second bag. It’s Tara’s favorite, Lyric Perfume, of course. I hold up the flashlight pen and place the perfume on the grass. “For you, Tara. You will always be in my heart. And I really hope you’re seeing just how big a part you still play in my life. Thanks for the song.” I close my eyes. “Goodbye to both of you.”

Several moments pass. I open my eyes and check my watch: 9:45 a.m. My PDA beeps. I check the e-mail and im­mediately hop back in the car with Sid and drive to the head­quarters of Pintock International.

Ten-fifteen a.m. Sid and I sit on the couch in Arthur’s of­fice. “I couldn’t do it before this article, Arthur. I wouldn’t have had a clear conscience going behind Derek’s back, even though he’s gone behind mine...many times.”

“I respect you for that, Maddy,” says Arthur.

Anita’s voice enters the room through the intercom. “Mr. Derek Rogers is on the line.”

“Put him through,” says Arthur. He nods at me. I hit Record on my tape recorder and then ready my fingers on top of my PDA keypad.

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BEHIND THE CHAPTER:

This chapter is brought to you by Dignity Memorial® Network. If you know anyone who wants to plan ahead for an end of life celebration or needs one now, visit DignityMemorial.com.

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

We hope you enjoyed this chapter of The Funeral Planner!  We will be posting a chapter every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. If you just can’t wait to read the latest episode about Maddy, Eve and Sierra and their entrepreneurial adventures The Funeral Planner Trilogy is available online at the usual suspects (Amazon, Barnes & Noble and Sony). Also check out LynnIsenberg.com for more information.