Resolution.

e

to jiminnie,

i wish i never met you

not because i regret youㅡ who could ever regret you, park jimin?ㅡ but because if i hadn't bumped into you

if i hadn't burrowed and forced my presence into your life

maybe you would still be here. maybe you would still be laughing with friends and dating that bona girl. you know, the one everyone seems to like the moment they meet her, and i don't blame them. she's dating yoongi now, and i guess it's appropriate that the daegu royalty at uni get together, but how they fit so well together confuses me.

speaking of daegu, i met jeongguk's friend today

said he was your best friend too and that his name was "v". a weird letter from the roman alphabet, so, of course, i didn't believe him (his name is taehyung). why should i? he's too cheerful. too bright and smileyㅡ but i guess that might be why you two would be the best of friends.

fuck why am i telling you this

you're my boyfriend for fuck's sakes i shouldn't fucking talk about this to you fuck fuckf cukf ck

[a blur of pencil marks
cover the next six lines]

i'm so angry at myself

i'm sorry for yesterday i just... sometimes i can be insensitive. and often forget what my main point is. so back to that.

i wish i wasn't so stubborn and i wish you didn't go along with the dare i had to do because i lost a bet the moment we first met (going to a fucking upperclassmen party sophomore year what the fuck was i)(a mess) i wish you weren't such a charismatic fucking person and that you didn't have the same interests as me i wish our hands didn't fit so comfortably with each other on our first date i wish i didn't melt at your puppy-dog face when you asked me for a second one i wish

i wish

i wish i wasn't so

fucking

dumb.

i'm sorry you had to put with me all these years, and you had to read my other entry.

i love you, with all of myself
combined all of you

still yours,
dal

47 days