Human - phan

Eight

My phone lay on the wooden desk, still lit up with a text from PJ.

-Hey Dan - Phil just walked in and asked if you were okay, I panicked and said your uncle died — sorry, really hope your uncle hasn't actually died.

Peej-

I was scribbling an essay in messy blue biro, cursing my laziness as I read yet another angry email from my teacher.

And thinking.

And trying not to think too much.

*

Hey Peej, thanks so much and sorry for being such a-

Peej, sorry if I was a bit-

Hi - thanks and just to let you know I'm not-

Suddenly, a decision formed in my mind. I stopped trying to reply to PJ and brought up the dialling screen instead. Phil was on my speed dial, next to my mum. How tragic.

 "Hi, Dan?" Phil's voice seemed surprised and a little apprehensive. I breathed out slowly through my mouth and closed my eyes.

"Hey Phil. I just wanted to say sorry about earlier. I - I'm just gonna tell it how it is, Peej told me about your boyf- some guy called Jakob something. And I was a little surprised. My uncle didn't die, PJ was just covering for me. I overreacted, man period or something." I tried to keep my tone light but cringed internally, "I was just in a bad mood I guess, sorry mate."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I waited for a reply.

"Dan- I- Jakob's not my boyfriend! I wouldn't even call him a friend, he's just a-an acquaintance who I used to spend time with — Dan we're not together. You have to believe me. Dan, I-"

Phil sounded upset, and as he paused I could almost hear him chewing his lip.

"I really like you, Dan." His voice was suddenly quiet. "I only like you. And, if you want to know, the reason I was happy earlier was that, well, I had just seen Jakob. To tell him I didn't ever want to see him again. Me and Jakob, we were never like that. He probably has a girlfriend for all I know."

"Oh," I let out the breath I had been holding slowly through my nose. My head was a blur, the room was spinning in front of my eyes as I tried to take in his words. "Who is he then? Why do you spend so much time with him? What-"

"I- can't tell you. I'm sorry. it's complicated. If I could, I would. I promise. You have to trust me."

I stayed silent; lost for words for a full minute staring blankly at the wall.

"D-Dan? Are you still there?" Phil's voice came over the phone.

"Yeah," I breathed out, "Okay. Well I, thanks for letting me know. I- Bye." I hung up and immediately swore loudly.

Quickly I fumbled for the redial button, but changed my mind; instead bringing up the message I'd been typing to PJ and erasing it.

Hey Peej. Thanks for that, I really appreciate it, but I just told him anyway — spur of the moment thing.

Quick question: Do you trust Phil? Cheers.

Dan-

I waited.

Suddenly I realised I was chewing my nails. I wrenched my hand away from my mouth, cursing. I thought I'd ditched that habit years ago. I eyed the crudely bitten stumps with disgust.