aesthete :: ashton irwin | au

o c ho

Lizzie.

Ashton invited me to party, I've never been invited to a high school party before but from what I heard, I knew that I wouldn't enjoy it. Crowds aren't my thing, going on lonely adventures and capturing life's greatest moments with a lens and the click of a button was what I enjoyed.

Ashton was practically my only friend, honestly. I was too caught up in my own thoughts to even bother to make small talk with anyone, but he still said something to me even though he was tangled in his own thoughts also. I appreciated that. Girl drama was overrated and I tried to stay out of it. Every friendship had drama so I stayed out of every friendship.

At times like this, I wish I had a best friend to give me advice on scenarios like this one, I had my mother but who tells their mother everything? She was enthusiastic because I was going to socialize for once and had no objections for me staying out late but she really wanted to get to know Ashton a little more. I knew he would've been uncomfortable and awkward in this situation. He told me how anxious he gets around strangers or people he's not accustom to so I tried my best to make up excuses, but today she'd finally meet him.

"So mom, how does this look?" I questioned, walking out the bathroom in a flowered, print sundress. My hair flowed passed my shoulders and my bare skin had no makeup.

"It looks amazing Liz, but aren't you gonna at least try on the makeup I bought for you?" I grumbled. I knew that my mom tried a lot to make me feel comfortable, after she got remarried I never felt the same again. She wanted to see me better but never had the best method of getting the message out to me.

"No." I responded, passing the hairbrush between the strands of my brown hair.

"Why not?" She questioned.

"I just don't like makeup." I really didn't, to me it didn't make me feel anymore beautiful. Beauty isn't something artificial and faux, it was the scars on your skin and the bags under your eyes that formed because of the stress manufactured in your soul, because of the thoughts in your head and the words in your mouth. You cared too much but nobody cared about you.

It was a true reflection of who you were, the wars you faced and times you cared. I didn't want the art on my skin to be hidden, I wanted to believe my words and live my days happy with myself. I didn't want to wear a mask that wasn't me. Makeup art just wasn't genuine.

My acne gave me unmotivation to live without being self-conscious, the red blotches on my face made me feel insecure when everyone else had perfect skin, but their perfect wasn't real. That made me wonder what's the point. What was the point of me wanting to be perfectly fake as everyone else. I was tired of living like that.

I heard the sound of a car shutting off, close to my house. I peaked outside and realized that it was Ashton. I was so caught up in getting prepared to make the moments last that I forgot about the time. It was already 2 p.m.

My mom began to tease me and walked down the stairs to let him in the house, I hurried down the staircase after her to make sure that she didn't say anything embarrassing to Ashton.

"Lizzie, he looks cute." She whispered to me as she peeked out the curtain by the window, before opening the door.

"Hi, you must be Ashton." She said to him as he extended a hand to shake hers. He wore flip flops and a blue t-shirt with some beach shorts. His hair was messily combed as he brushed the strands away from his eyes to look at me, directly in the eye. I walked towards him and grabbed his arm, signalling that we should get going but my mother insisted that she talked more.

After fifteen minutes of my mother explaining to Ashton about the importance of trust and consent, we finally left the house. My hands wondered towards the little compartment in the jeep as I opened it to find a bunch of CD's, scattered inside of it. I took one out and they all were titled after some object in nature. Ashton told me that the jeep wasn't his, but his friend Calum's and the CD's belonged to a boy called Michael. The titles were metaphoric and represented a part him, after looking through them all I chose this one called "The Seconds of Summer". Ashton said he enjoyed this one the most.

The loud music echoed through my ears as the vehicle came to a halt and we stopped by the beach. I walked with Ashton towards the group of teenagers who drank beer and smoked cigarettes by the ocean shore. I recognized the girl who Ashton was with by the bridge as he approached her.

"I'm glad you could make it, Ashton." She said to him, Ashton blushed as his eyes were enlarged by the sight of her figure that wore nothing but a bikini. What a typical boy, I could've told that he liked her but was too shy to admit it. Honestly, she wasn't his type. Carmen was loud, fierce and hung out with the people that broke your hearts and crushed your spirits and Ashton was the guy who appreciated details and your petite significance, he deserved more than just a girl who had a pretty face. Opposites attract but don't usually stay together.

"You remember Lizzie." He said to her, I waved and plastered a beaming smile on my face as she sat on her boyfriend's lap by the shore. He took her up by the waist and ran further into the ocean and threw her in, just to see her reaction. When she left Ashton, his face sunk. I knew he felt uncomfortable, we knew nobody at this party and the situation couldn't become anymore awkward. The evening sun came out as we sat on the beach chairs watching Carmen and her boyfriend grind on each other in the sunset. This became a bore as I looked into the horizon and watched the waves crash on to the shore.

I would like to imagine that the ocean and land used to be in love but they were programmed in a way that they only touched on their boarders, everyday the ocean tried to cover the land but failed. Until someday it did, destroying everything the land cared about, the trees were torn apart from the ground and soil washed away with the sea, the ocean then realized why he could've never loved the land but did anyway.

I was then brought back into reality by the sound of Carmen's boyfriend, Blake asking us if we wanted a drink. I declined but Ashton said yes, accepting the red, plastic cup that smelt as if it were mixed with alcohol and sprite. He took a sip and his eyes lit up as I saw a devilish grin appear on Blake's face. I gulped and looked at Ashton who drank the entire cup in one shot and shook his head when Blake asked if he wanted more.

I didn't want to stop Ashton, I came here because I wanted him to be happy and spend time with the girl he liked even though she wasn't his type. If he wanted to get wasted then I should let him. I sat away from the crowd that recently included Ashton. He became the life of the party, dancing with all the girls and regularly making song requests. I was happy if he was, but lonely without him.

The sun got lost in the darkness of the galaxy and the moon took its place, shining light unto the calm waters. I looked at the crowd in a distance but didn't see Ashton, I then did something I never expected to do. Join the crowd to look for him, but still couldn't find Ashton until my eyes looked further down unto the beach and landed on the boy who stood on the boardwalk lower down by himself, looking down into the ocean, exhausted by tonight. I walked to meet him as he looked at me and smiled, stretching one foot over the railing and then the other, standing on the edge of the solid ground that held him firm.

"Ashton! Get back here!" I yelled, grabbing on to his arm, attempting to pull him over. His strength was too much for me as he giggled and his body twitched. He slowly turned around to face the ocean below him that crashed against the strong foundation.

"Sometimes I want to let go, I want to fall in and just vanish." He snickered, looking down below, "I'm just barely holding unto life's railing and I just can't anymore, I want to let go." He said as his voice broke, the boy who just had a gleaming smile was now in tears by a few seconds. He removed his hands from the railing, just holding on now because of his balance. I grabbed on to his shirt and gripped on tightly, afraid that he might fall in.

"Ashton, you could let go of the railing, but I won't ever let go of you."

++

Sotd: Tidal Waves - All Time Low

I teared up at the ending aw, shit.

I think I write about water too much lmao. I don't know what is this feeling but I think this book is going to be special, I don't think I ever got this much reads and wonderful comments about my writing in this short period of time. Thank you so much :)