aesthete :: ashton irwin | au

t r e ce

Lizzie.

Maybe love is a selfish thing. Maybe, the people who deserve love the most are deprived of it because of greedy people who take love all for themselves, and then go on to squander it. They break our hearts, and we let our love waste on the people who were never worthy of it in the first place.

That's just my perspective that's insignificant, compared to the billions of other people that live on this earth. I shouldn't be talking, what do I know about love?

Ashton tried to kiss me. The boy who could never seen to get the right words out of his mouth, attempted to do the unexpected. In that moment it felt as if the world stopped turning and he became my focus; furthermore my new world. Noise around us became a deafening silence as I thought about how crazy it is how we choose what to listen to.

Ashton's gaze focused on me and mine at him, his pupils enlarged at the sight of me looking back at him as I began to see my reflection in his glassy like eyeballs. His lips grew red just like the colour of his cherry face and his calloused fingers rested against my hip bones as he gently made circles against my clothed skin, I knew he was nervous.

I desperately wanted a kiss from the sweetest boy I ever knew, but not like this. Not when Carmen was his world and he was mine. I stopped the world for him but he wouldn't for me, not when his heart lied in another universe. We didn't kiss, instead I decided to wait. Patience is virtue I needed to have in order to get this done right, this time.

Ashton was this insecure boy, he didn't know what he wanted or who his heart desired and I was about to help him find out.

"Earth to Lizzie." Doctor Greene snapped, waving his hands in front of my face.

"What's on your mind?" He asked.

"Why does it matter?" I sighed.

"Why doesn't it matter?"

"Why do you ask so many questions?"

"Why don't you?"

I could see this wasn't going to end anytime soon. Therapists are annoying, they constantly ask questions and that made me feel even sicker than I already was. I glanced at the wall clock above Doctor Greene's head, counting down the minutes until I could leave his office. I only came here to bring a sense of satisfaction to my mother because she felt that I needed to be here.

I was extremely disconnected from the world outside, but maybe I was too caught up with the world inside my head to care about anyone else. Nobody knew what I thought about, I was just mute.

It was if there were transparent hands around my mouth, stifling the release of words from my mouth; sometimes I wanted to say things, but I just couldn't. They weren't valid in the outside world, nobody would've probably cared anyway.

They just made up stories to fill the space in their heads where I belonged. They knew nothing about me. I was either asocial, stuck up or just rude, but now I'm used to the name calling.

I like people who take the time to get to know me, I appreciate the ones who go the extra mile to say hi to me, but the problem is I never had the guts to do the same for anyone.

Ashton needed to make up his mind on what he wanted to do with his life and this time, I was willing to the go extra mile. He was worth it.