Crossroads

Change is inevitable-Progress is optional

Song : My Brightest Diamond - Lover Killer

The music blasted through my earphones, giving me the necessary distraction from thinking too much and forcing me to give what attention was spared to the task at hand. I was currently at the basement, soaking my films in light-trap tanks, rinsing some with water and giving others a "stop bath" with a fixer to stop them from further sensitivity to the light. I had already hung the ones that I wanted to naturally darken, experimenting a little with the fogginess. Getting all these chemicals and equipment wasn't easy or cheap due to the digitalization that ruled in the industry but the college had its resources and they never failed to deliver.

Luckily, I had already submitted my total of ten pieces that covered my participation in this project. It would be presented in a gala at the college next week, part of the festivities that would lead to the closing of this year's terms and beginning of summer. For me it would be the end of an era. I had already concluded my studies, final papers where in, my thesis on Impressionism and their revolutionary techniques that brought light in a dark world was already submitted and my rent was paid to cover the remaining three weeks. The time had come to return home.

Some of the photos started to clear. The images of nameless people, going about their daily lives in black and white faced me in the darkness of the room. Their eyes showed the emotion that was present and captured forever in paper, in a single moment in time. I tried to interpret their meaning but I came up with nothing. Because my brain was remembering a different pair of eyes. Brown, with specks of green that were gazing at me with an intensity that was hard to decipher. Eyes that I haven't seen in the last two weeks.

My wolf huffed, annoyed with the memory. I shared her frustration but I was trying very hard not to give her more fuel. After realizing what we could possibly mean to one another, he retracted, looked me hard and told me I was free to go. Without leaving any room for argument or any other verbal recognition, he shifted to his wolf and disappeared through the trees. The enforcers came from the trees, without looking  but clearly they were waiting for me to be on my way. I turned and ran, wanting to be back at my apartment as soon as possible so I could collect my thoughts. Which have proven to be quite difficult.

I honestly didn't know what to feel. Joy for finally coming across a possible mate or fear of what that would entail in the future? Anger for him leaving me without even a name to put with his face or relief because my life could follow the path I had chosen without interference? Hurt for he might not found me beautiful or strong enough or gratitude because I was spared from having to spend my time with a wolf who judged so hasty?

I didn't have any experience with these feelings. I have never encountered a match for me and I always avoided getting myself involved romantically with another wolf. I had gone out with humans these last years and I was infatuated at one point with Mathew, a graduate that only stayed for six months then left for a teaching position in the West coast. I connected with him, our shared love for art and history being the ring that tied our chain together. It was wonderful, I have never felt so understood before but in my heart I knew that he would be a passing figure in my life. I was a creature that belonged in fairytales and horror movies and there was no future for us especially when I knew that somewhere, out there, was another like me, made only for me. I couldn't give up, not yet. My wolf humored my need to be loved by Mathew but she put a stop whenever things got a little too heated. I'm grateful now but those times where the only ones that we had a temporary difference in opinions. She was right.

My wolf, my everlasting companion, gave a little smirk and a little twist with her head. It was like saying, yes, I knew best and thank you for admitting it. I smiled, we have had this conversation before. No need to repeat it. In the end, I was thankful that the stranger wasn't at least my true mate because my state of mind would be like ten times worst and that's putting it mildly.

 My phone's calling ring in my ears stopped my internal debate.I looked at the screen and smiled.

"Hallo big Papa wolf, what is the reason for calling your favourite and only female pup?" I always humored with my father like this when it was just the two of us.

"Well, I just called to remind you that I will be there in four days and that you better have your staff packed and ready because I will not, repeat not spend my time there helping you get ready. I will load the track and spend time with my baby wolf, that is the only activity on the table."

"Have no fear, everything will go as planned. There will be plenty of quality time for us and you will get to see your daughter praised for her work at the gala" I was anxious for my father seeing my work but at the same time grateful that he would come here. Once we were back home, his involvement with the packs interaction and dealings with the humans, would consume most of his time. That was of course one of the reasons that my need to study further wasn't denied. My father trusted me and had plenty of interaction in business deals with humans that brought prosperity to my pack and our household. I was in a way privileged, usually only males went to university and few females of High ranking wolves. My family was considered very well of in the genes department, having had only the blood of Alphas and Betas run in our veins for centuries.

"I 'm very pleased to hear that Vivian. So tell me, is there is anything else you want to fill me in?"

I paused for a moment. I have never held anything back from my father but what exactly could I say to him since I wasn't sure of anything yet. So I went with a sly answer and said "Nothing that can't wait until you're here". It was a roundabout way but not a complete lie.

He didn't answer immediately which alarmed me but then he said in a warm way "Alright pup, see you in four days."

"Give my love to Grandma and the boys. I'll see them in three weeks" with that I ended the call and my head started spinning again.

My time here was over. The call from my father just made it even more real. I knew that everything would change and I feared the unknown. Would I move forward and embrace the future as it comes or would I bend under pressure. Only one way to find out. I calmed myself, my wolf purring and showing me her undying love and affection and said 'Just one step after another Vivian, just another step on the road".