I've never really explained myself.
I'm Dan Howell, 17.
My life fell apart 6 years ago, when my mum died.
When my mum was still around, we were what you would call the 'picture perfect' family.
Every weekend my dad would take my little brother, Adrian and I out.
We would have fun, and we would come back to a home cooked meal from my mum. This happened every weekend, until I turned 11.
See, my mum dealt with depression, for a long time without telling any of us.
One day, everything just came crashing down for her, and she shot herself.
You would've expected my Dad to take care of the two of us, and give us the love of a mother.
But he didn't.
He turned to alcohol and drugs to get rid of his pain.
When that didn't work, he started physically abusing us.
Well, me.
While that line of how much he could abuse me didn't exist, the line of who he could hurt did.
I didn't let him touch Adrian.
He tried once, but I got in the way.
Yes, that meant that I got hit more, but it also meant that Adrian was safe.
That's all that mattered, and it's still all that matters.
It was only a matter of time until I started letting out everything that was bottled up inside me.
On other people.
I'm not what you would call 'popular', but I'm not one of the 'losers' either.
Most of the school is scared of me.
Rumors have gotten around, and being the idiots people are, they believe it.
I'll accept the fact that I'd hit a few people when I first started high school, but I soon realized how much pain I was causing others, so I stopped. But someone thought it would be funny to make up all these rumors about me, and people believed them.
I guess, somewhere down the line, I started believing them too.
