Death. (behind the scenes)

Part 4

After that, all I could do is wonder about what I saw. The man, the woman - the pregnant woman, they had to be my parents then? Does that mean my dad had abandoned me before I was even born? What a coward! And my mom has raised me all by herself? I wonder what her name is. 'Natalie.' The voice answers for me. 'Your mom is called Natalie.'

And with that my eyes close again and I'm thrown into the next chapter of my life story. This time I'm in a small kitchen, most likely the one from a little apartment. A little girl comes rushing through the door, followed by a boy who looks about the same age. They are playfully chasing each other, a bright smile never leaving their faces. I sit on the counter so I don't disturb the two children in their play. They run around in circles until the boy accidently pushes over one of the dining chairs. 'Guys, what is happening in there?' I hear somebody shout from another room. 'Nothing mother, we're just playing!' the girl answers giggling. They put the chair back in its place together and then run out of the kitchen.

I jump from the counter and also walk out of the room. I assume that girl is actually me and that the woman who shouted from the other room is my mom again, but who is that boy? Is he just a friend or is he my brother? Even my twin brother? He looks nothing like the girl but he does look about the same age.

As I leave the kitchen I see a small hallway in front of me. The hall leads to a staircase on the right and there's only one other door on the left. The only noises I hear seem to come from upstairs so I decide to walk up the stairs. The wall is covered in pictures and I take a look at every single one. Most of them are from the boy and the girl, so I guess that he is indeed my brother. But how can I not remember my own brother? Even my twin brother? Isn't there supposed to be some kind of connection between twins?

I slowly continue my walk into the direction of the voices. Just when I get upstairs, a woman rushes out of one door into another. I quickly walk to the door where she just disappeared in and look inside the room. The two children are now sitting on the bed, drawing on each other's faces. 'Evelyn!? What are you doing?' the woman - my mother - asks. 'I'm giving Alexander a make-up tutorial mom!' the girl - little me - says enthusiastically. 'Eve just continue, I need to look pretty for tonight!' Alexander - my brother - adds grinning. Mother finally reacts and grabs the pen from Evelyn's hand. 'You two are unbelievably.' She mumbles. 'But mooooooom, we're 7, almost 8!' the girl whines. 'Exactly, 7 is way too young to use make-up!' she retorts while trying to wipe the blue ink from the boy's face. 'But all the girls from my class already use it mom!' Evelyn keeps trying. 'Well Eve, listen to me, Alex you too,' Mother looks at her two children and then continuous. 'It's not because everyone does it, you need to do it as well, you understand me?' she softly grabs their shoulders and then adds: 'Never forget that okay?'. The two kids start nodding. 'Okay mom.' Alex says while throwing himself into his mother's arms, followed by Eve doing the same. They stay like that for a while, limps intertwined and muffled sounds filling the room.

I smile at the sight of this happy family, realising that mother indeed raised us on her own and that she did damn well. After mother releases the children she stands up again. 'Now get ready, we leave in 10 minutes!' she commands while making her way back to the door. I step aside so she can pass through and when she does, I recognise the sweet smell that enters my nose. I realise that this is the first - and only - thing I recognise so far from my life before. My life before I woke up in this terrible nightmare.

I look back into the room and see the girl and her brother in front of their wardrobe debating on what to wear. When they're finally dressed and ready they run past me through the door and down the stairs. I want to follow but before I can even move a muscle, I hear a loud thump, followed by a vein wrenching cry.

I reach the top of the stairs just at the same time that mother reaches the bottom. And there at the bottom lies Evelyn - lies little me. Alexander kneeled next to her, tears filling his eyes. 'Alex, what happened?' mother asks shocked. 'We were running and then she tripped and she hit her elbow and the glass broke and-' he can't finish his sentence as he starts crying even harder. Evelyn, now lying in mother's arms, is crying as well. Mother carefully looks at Eve's bleeding elbow. She whispers reassuring words into Eve's hair while she slowly and carefully carries her daughter into the kitchen. Alexander follows them closely and I hurry down the stairs as well. Carefully walking around the glass since I'm still barefooted and not sure if I can still get injured.

I reach the kitchen and see how mother nurses her daughter gently while Alex holds his sister's other hand. When mother is finished Evelyn finally stops crying and hugs her brother and mother tightly. 'You still want to go to grandma and grandpa?' mother asks while softly poking Alex's tummy. 'Only if Evelyn still wants to.' He says looking at his sister with pleading eyes. 'Come on let's go!' she cheers happily while jumping from the counter. 'Carefully!' mother shouts while the two children start running again. She shakes her head, a smile never leaving her lips, and she leaves the room as well.

I stare at the counter with the nurse kid still open on top of some newspapers. I lift my arm to look at my elbow. And there, at the last part that I can see, I notice a thin white line. A small scar in the form of a V.

As the family leaves the house I walk back towards the stairs. I make my way back upstairs and into the bedroom of Eve and Alex. I stare inside and look at every single thing, slightly recognising a few things in this cosy looking room. I walk over to one of the beds and sit down. As my hands rest on both sides of my tights, I continue to gaze around.

Drawings and polaroid pictures cover almost every surface in this room, the wardrobe and desk included. On top of the desk stands a white box that I hadn't noticed before. I push myself off the bed and walk closer to the desk. I hover over the box and see some stuffed animals inside. My breath hitches in my throat when I notice a little pink monkey. For the first time a memory flashes through my head, a horrible memory where I see this exact pink monkey covered in blood and Evelyn - or me - next to it. It's all I remember, just the image of this stuffed animal soaked in dark red blood.

That moment I seem to get sick. My stomach makes a terrible twist and my limps get heavy. I sit back on the bed and only seconds later my eyes fall shut.

I either fell unconscious or I fell asleep but the next thing I know I hear a car driving up the driveway. I quickly jump on my feet and run to the stairs. At the top I stand still and watch the front door opening slowly. Immediately the two children walk inside. They're a lot less energetic than before but they still look happy.

'So, what do you want for dinner?' mother asks. 'Can we have spaghetti?' Alex asks with a big smile. 'We had spaghetti yesterday!' mother states laughing. 'I know, but I love spaghetti and I would love to eat it again!' he answers excited. Mother looks at Evelyn who's also smiling brightly. 'Alright, I'll make spaghetti again then.' She says smiling and she immediately walks to the kitchen. I also walk downstairs, still carefully avoiding the glass, and I follow her.

The first thing she does is cleaning up the nursing kid. For the first time I properly see the newspaper. I step closer and scan the front page. Nothing really catches my eyes until I notice the date. Monday the 4th of December in 2006. Two thousand and six. Evelyn and Alexander are 7 they said, almost 8. Which means they must have been born in 1999. Which mean I was born in 1999, but what year is it now? In what year did I wake up in that white room?

Before I can even think about it my legs get weak and once again I drop to the ground. My eyes shut as well and everything returns to the black nothingness again. Or should I say the white nothingness? Cause here I am again, in the plain white room without furniture, without any windows and even without a fricking door.

Megan is still gone. Ever since we woke up in here and left for the first time, she has disappeared. I kinda miss her. Oh who am I kidding, I terribly miss her! Even though my memories with her are still gone, I can feel that she has helped me through a lot. Through a lot of difficult times, even though I don't know which ones.

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Author's noteeeeeeee:

Hi, Hello, Hey,

how r u? good? great! 

love you all, every single one of you <3

much love,

me.