There's no possible justification for this. Maybe I just need an outlet for my rage, but I'm suddenly furious, pushing past Karen and storming through the hallway. She will NOT be there when he wakes up. I'll make sure of that.
She looks startled when I throw the doors open, and stands up as I barrel toward her. "Get out."
"I'm his wife."
"You are not. Not anymore. You left, and you will stay gone. Get the hell out of here."
"Where do you get off telling me to leave?"
"I swear to God, Kristen, if you don't leave right now this is not going to go well for you. You're not going to get anywhere near him."
"I need to know he's okay." Maybe she thinks I'll take pity on her.
"Your kids will let you know." My jaw is clenched, and I gesture toward the exit, feeling incredibly protective.
"Who the hell do you think you are? You show up now and expect to just swoop in as his other half? Did he tell you that he needs you now? Jesus, Stevie. How pathetic are you? Did you really wait 20 years for my leftovers?" The sneer on her face triggers a fury in me and before I even know what I'm doing I reach out and feel my palm connect with the side of her face. She looks completely stunned, and somehow I maintain my composure.
"You never deserved him." Karen appears and I feel her hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off, glaring intently at Kristen who looks a little shaken by my outburst. "Get. The. Fuck. Out of here."
She hesitates but she eventually leaves the waiting room. I'm suddenly aware that I have drawn a lot of attention to myself. I panic a little and hurry back toward Lindsey, collapsing in tears outside his room. What did she think she was going to get by showing up here? Did she think no one was with him? The idle thought that maybe she was regretting some of her decisions passes through my mind, but I don't really care enough to entertain it.
Lindsey's lifeless face is buried in clear tubes, cords and wires coming out of him everywhere. I know that, no matter what happens next, this image will be burned into my memory for the rest of my life. Karen finds me again and sits on the floor beside me, knowing better than to say anything right now. Nothing she could say will help right now. He was supposed to come right out of this. I still haven't gotten an explanation. I want them to tell me what happened. I need to know what they did to him.
Finally, a doctor heads into Lindsey's room and I stand, watching him through the glass. He reads all of the screens and monitors. He draws blood. He writes things down while a nurse switches out one of the IV bags. I wait anxiously for him to finish so I can ambush them as they leave the room. He eventually exits and I jump in front of him.
"Hello! Can you please tell me something? Anything. I... I need to know what's going on."
"Who are you?"
I don't get that question very often, so it catches me off guard. "I'm Stevie. I'm... Lindsey's emergency contact."
"Are you immediate family?"
"The only immediate family he has are his children. He's authorized me to make medical decisions."
He flips through his folder, clearly trying to verify. "Stephanie Nicks?" I nod eagerly. My last name clearly clicks with him and I see him look me over, the surprise on his face evident. "Come with me, Miss Nicks."
I follow him through the sterile hallway, head down to avoid eye contact with the nurses and patients bustling through the hallway. I realize that I'm a wreck, tear streaked skin and red, puffy eyes. I fuss with my pony tail as we sit down in his office, my self-consciousness quickly forgotten when he opens the folder on his desk.
"I'm not sure what they've told you..." he starts.
"Nothing!" I blurt out. "I'm sorry, I just..."
"I know," he said, giving me a kind smile. "His heart was weaker than we thought it was. When we cut into his heart he bled out. We were able to transfuse quickly, but his heart wouldn't restart. It took almost 5 minutes. They actually declared him dead, but I knew I could get the tear to close. I did, and his heart started to beat again."
"You saved his life."
"Well, for the moment, yes. Miss Nicks, he's very fragile. And there could very well be brain or nervous system damage as a result of the oxygen and blood depravation. We just don't know yet."
"What are his chances right now?"
"Anything I tell you would be a complete guess. He's remained stable for the past hour or so, which is positive. There's not much we can know until he wakes up."
I nod, frustrated with the lack of answers. I'm also grateful that he's not making promises that he can't possibly keep. "Can I please see him?"
He gives me that same kind smile, and nods. "Of course. You can go sit with him."
He opens the door for me, and I step inside the room, taking a seat next to Lindsey's bed. I stroke his hand lightly, knowing that Karen and a nurse are outside the window watching us. I suddenly realize that the kids haven't received an update and I grab my phone from my purse, seeing Will's name on the screen, followed by Leelee's.
I finally text them both the same message. "Surgery is over. He's not awake yet. I will update soon. Love you."
Maybe it's not enough information, but the truth is too much.
