Subtle Shift (BWWM)complete

Chapter 32

The next day I walked into class, and instantly felt paranoid. Everyone looked at me strangely and spoke to each other in hushed tones. Confused, I continued to my seat. Bethany stayed inside today as she had a slight flu bug. The colder weather and rain crept in from early fall. We all hated giving up our summer clothes for coats and jackets.

I dug into my backpack, and felt a shadow cover my desk. I looked up and smiled when I saw J. Ling, but his face looked troubled.

I was suddenly worried. "What's up? You've got a weird vibe going on."

He sighed, and shifted in place before he finally spoke. "I'm sorry to tell you this, but it seems that Nate switched partners, and you'll have to wrap up your project yourself."

This came as a shock and I felt deeper disappointment than I cared to admit. "What?" I asked. "Why would he do that?"

J. Ling shrugged. "I am not sure, but Richardson told me to let you know this morning." I felt bewildered as I watched him walk away to his desk.

After class, I made my way towards the library. My thoughts scattered and something felt weird.

I swiped my card in the library door. I pulled the door open, waved hello to the librarian. I quickly headed down the stairs to the records and archival section.

My progress was halted by the sight of two people who were locked in an embrace in the shadow of a bookcase. The broad shoulders and the hair I recognized without a doubt. Nate was making out with Cloey. My stomach lurched as I felt an emotion beyond hatred pour through my veins so quickly I could not breathe. My gasp caught their attention Cloey quickly pulled away from Nate. She grabbed her bag and moved past me up the steps.

I watched her go before turning to face him. I slowly made my way down the steps. My internal voice told to me to ignore this and continue with my assignment. Instead, I felt compelled to stop in front of Nate and search for an answer. With confusion I said, "You no longer want to be my partner in this project. Why?"

He shrugged and leaned against the wall, observing me with indifference. His response was casual, "I just felt like it was not going to work out. I have a GPA to keep up, besides these social experiments often don't improve the world."

 I took that like a physical blow. My grip tightened around the book I held. I thought about this development and what it meant to our bond so I asked, "Does this mean we don't really have a connection to work around?" He cut me off, his stare was harsh. "We no longer share a connection. That problem has passed. Fortunately, I will not have to pretend anymore."

I glared at him, smarting at his use of the word 'pretend'. I shook myself to comprehend and asked, with fear of the answer, "Pretend? You were pretending?"

He smirked and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He straightened up and said, "Look, I needed you to accept the oath. You were difficult and not cooperating. From the night you did accept, I just stuck to your side to see how long it would be before you would give yourself to me. You should be proud, I became tired of waiting."

The ground moved under my feet. The hurt and pain could not be pin—pointed to a certain body part, but it was extreme. My vision saw everything get darker where we stood. He laughed and walked around me then stopped for only a moment. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, with his hand on my shoulder. "Ah, remember your promise. If you tell anyone about what I am, I have no problem making you disappear. Okay?" He patted my shoulder and continued his assent up the stairwell.

I felt cold and empty. My knees went week so I just let myself fall. I did not cry; I was beyond tears. I could not understand why I felt this way. The necklace around my neck suddenly felt like a chunk of ice, I reached up and pulled, but the thing wouldn't break. 

After a while I gave up with a shout of frustration. This feeling was a dangerous thing. My mind pulled away from reality and threw me against a wall of sharp knives. In the movies those who loved the most often suffer the most, the knives of words often sank deep. Apparently, mine had lodged firmly in my back. 

My emotions were being cored out just like the center of an apple. Eventually I stood up and picked up my books. Slowly I made my way into the archive room. I would survive these feelings. Everything would be okay.

Over a few weeks I found myself drifting though my classes. I wasn't angry or sad. Honestly, I felt nothing at all. All emotions had left my being. For a while I ignored Nate and he ignored me. It was not difficult considering the comatose state I was in. With more time, however, my emotions shifted to anger. 

 There was an all-consuming rage. 

I wanted to rail, scream, and fight. How dare he drag me into his world of fantasy then abandon me once he got what he wanted? My behavior became irrational and guided by rage. At the beginning of the school year, I wanted him to leave me alone. Now things were different because the ending was not on my terms and I could not understand it. 

 How dare he? How could he walk pass me as if I don't exist? In literature class he switched partners to get away from me. He avoided my eyes when we practiced in theater class. I did things to get his attention by dropping books to the floor, on occasion, I bumped him in the hallway hoping to start a fight.

 Anything would be better than nothing.