My Many Mishaps

Falling for you

I'm going to start this off with a question: Have you ever fallen out of a window of a school?

Regardless of your answer, I certainly have. I was in 7th grade, still mid-cheese stick era, and like all my best moments, this took place in gym class.

My school had two gyms, one on the ground, and one three stories up. We were playing dodgeball, which oddly enough, I'm a total beast at. (You'll probably hear about that in later updates) It was just another normal gym class... Except that the school had put in-or rather, were putting in-windows.

Because putting windows in a third floor, middle school gym is a great idea.

At that point, the glass wasn't installed yet, and the windows were nothing but rectangular holes with tarps duct taped over them. The teachers always said "stay away from the windows" but like I said, those windows were placed in a middle-schooler's Super Smash Bros. stage.

Anyhow, the game was getting good, Ron, Cole, and I are destroying the other team, when I notice a ball going towards the concealed hole to the outside.

I didn't want it to hit, or go through, the tarp, because my gym coach is not someone you want to get angry.

I ran after the foam ball, jumped forward to grab it, and caught it. Hooray! Now Coach isn't going to yell about "the balls going all whill-nill over the place" as he always said.

Surprisingly, I was right. The ball didn't hit the tarp.

I did.

When I dove to catch the ball, I didn't account for Newton's law of motion: What is in motion, stays in motion.

I felt my back hit the tarp, and heard a rip. I thought I ripped my pants or something at the time, but half a second later, I had my head out the window/hole.

Before I could comprehend what was happening, I was falling 30 feet, clutching a dodgeball, thinking "Huh. This is kinda weird."

Here's a good visual of how I must've looked: Imagine a camel, in goat simulator, limply falling out a window. Now tape a raccoon to it's head and slap some flight goggles on it. That's about as accurate as it gets.

I had watched a lot of saftey videos as a kid, so I knew that I should go limp if I'm falling from a high place. I ragdolled one second before I landed on the cement of the school parking lot.

I landed on my left shoulder and dislocated it, but received no other injuries.

Within five seconds, pretty much every available staff member was outside staring at me.

I stood up, popped my shoulder back into the socket, and headed back inside the school building. At least 20 teachers and faculty members were staring at me in disbelief as I brushed myself off and proceeded to walk back into school.

I can only imagine what the teachers were thinking. Seeing a pale, noodle armed, spindly-legged, hairball-head fall out of a third story window, hit the pavement, then get back up and walk inside unfazed.

I got back up to the gym class, and everyone was dead quiet. Even Travis, his friend, and Smitty were silent. I just kinda stood in the doorway awkwardly for a few seconds, before holding up the ball and declaring that I caught the ball, therefore whoever threw it was out.

After a few more awkward moments of noiseless staring, Coach shrugged and demanded that whoever threw that ball, was to do 20 around the gym, and owed me big time.

I however, faired better. At the time, Coach gave me a granola bar and gatoraid, (the good blue kind) excused me to go chill in the locker room, because I was so "dedicated to high-adrenaline ball tag" and such.

On the other hand, I had pins and needles in my otherwise-numb left arm for three months strait.

It was worth it, to finally get a shred of respect from my peers.. Even if I fell out a window to catch a dodgeball.

Oh, and I left a crack in the parking lot, which everyone, to this very day, calls "Lauryn's Crack"

Still worth it.