Thinking Of You

Green Eyes

"I don't want to do the right thing, Kanaya," I complained again to her one day, estimating two weeks after the game ended. We've talked about this conversation a couple of times now, and no one seems to be backing down.

We are both such stubborn ladies, much to anyone's concern.

"You Know You Have To Rose. It's The Only Way To Save Your Planet's Population. Karkat Said It Was A Must."

"Are you pushing me away?" I challenged, raising my eyebrow.

"Yes."

I hadn't really expected she would reply such a positive answer. It was like she had slapped me in the face. Maybe it even hurt more than if she did.

"I'm Sorry," she hugged me tight while I tried to squirm free. "I Do Not Do Well With Goodbyes."

"Then don't say them, you fool," I grumbled.

"You're Angry."

"Of course I am. The game's over and we won."

"Shouldn't You Be Glad?"

"Does it look like that's what I'm feeling?" I glared at her to hide the sadness I felt. "Don't you remember all those things we said about staying with each other after the game? How you said we would spend our lives together?" Together, together. She had promised me the word so many times.

"I Do Want That, Rose." she held me tighter so I wouldn't fall apart because it felt that way. "I Really Do. But There Is The Matter With Responsibilities. I Still Have To Revive My Species, And Then You With Yours. Also, I Still Have To Look For Gamzee."

"For God's sake, Kanaya. Leave the fucking clown alone. I don't want you getting hurt with your own actions. And what's the point of even finding him, anyway? I thought you were over it."

She seemed uncomfortable with the subject. "I Just Wish To Find Him After You Leave Because... There Wouldn't Be Much To Do To Make Myself Busy And Distracted While You Are Away For A While."

I sighed. "Will you give me your word that you'll be fine?"

She smiled thoughtfully and nodded.

"What if I didn't leave though? Would you still look for him?"

"But You Are Leaving."

"What makes you think I would comply?"

"Because I'm Asking You To."

My body trembled. "You... want me to leave?"

"No! ... Yes." she leveled her gaze to the floor.

"Why?"

Her head turned to me. "Why What?"

Tears began welding in my eyes uncontrollably as I stared at her face. What would I say? That I was actually afraid she would fall for someone else after I left? She doesn't need to know how weak I am when it came to her.

Why was she hurting me so much?

"Rose?" she asked me anxiously while she wiped away something on my cheeks. "Is Something The Matter? Why Are You Crying?"

"I'm not crying."

She frowned at me.

"I'm just deliberating what will happen with our relationship."

"What Do You Mean?" she seemed confused.

"Well, we will be far away from each other who knows how long and-"

"I Will Find A Way To Communicate With You, Rose." There was motivation in her eyes. "We Can Chat With Computers And Perhaps... Well, Mostly Computers, But I Will Write You A Letter Before You Leave." she smiled at me. The smile was like lemon juice on my paper cuts. "You Would Like That, Wouldn't You? I Seem To Recall That We Share The Same Feeling Of Having A Special Place With One Another's Personal Things Like Handwriting Or Sketches And Clothes Or-"